Part One

 

Everyone has a time or times in their lives that they wish they could forget. And then, there're the times that we wish we could relive forever. But, what about the times where you're stuck between wanting to forget but can't help reliving the moment like a broken scratched record in your mind? What about those times, when you know you shouldn't do something because it's bad or unhealthy for you and there would be consequences to face, but you just can't help yourself because the worst things tend to come wrapped up in the most tempting packages?

What do you do then when you're caught in between? I'm not sure how many of you have been caught in this predicament, but I have...countless times. And today, I'd say I'm still stuck in the middle of wanting to forget every single time because I regret. Yet, I'm still living in the moment, knowing if I got a second chance and was able to push the rewind or redo button on my life for all those moments, I would not have changed the decision or choice I made. And you know what? It was and still is all because of him...my weakness...my enemy but my desire...my ‘biker boy'...my...Justin.

I Briana have some serious issues, but the root and source of my problems and issues all stem from one central source...him.

But maybe I need to give you a rundown first of how all of this started. How he was able to touch the tip of my iceberg and make me melt into a puddle, drowning in the depths of my own ocean.

 

One Year Ago...

I have lived in this city for far too long. It's to the point where I could leave my job and walk all the way home blindfolded without getting hit by a moving vehicle or walking into a pole, tree, wall or bouncing someone on the sidewalk. Yes, it's that bad, but even with my complaints I like it. I like it because it's familiar, it's comfortable and it's unfortunately home.

Growing up in New York was always hard. But, growing up in the Bronx was harder simply because my family never had much. Still, we did alright you know? We were average, middle-class, comfortable with our way of life. I'm not saying my neighborhood was the best for a young girl growing up, but it was decent. There were worse places. Places I wouldn't dream of living in. Like certain parts of Harlem for example.

My neighborhood was like candy land in comparison. But that's beside the point. The basic gist is I grew up in a warm home with a wonderful family, loving parents, siblings and relatives. I went to school, had friends, experienced drama with said friends, the whole deal.

But that's just it. Eventually I grew up. And with every young aspiring African American woman, I wanted to make something of myself. I wasn't going to be that girl who got knocked up at a young age and never left home. Granted I still stayed fairly close to home, the Bronx is a big city and I made sure that after I graduated college, I moved far enough away from my family where if my parents or relatives wanted to see me, they'd need to hop on a train, bus or drive over provided they called first. And I loved it like that because I was free to be me, but at the same time, I could always make those trips home for a good Sunday home cooked meal.

It was a win-win situation in my book at least for now since I was fresh out of school with a business degree looking to go back into law. But first, I needed to make sure I was stable, so that would explain my present job at a computer business firm as an assistant to the manager of said firm. It was a good paying job and it prepared me for law school because I planned on saving up for the first year or two before I applied so I'd have my first two or so semesters covered to begin with. It was a good plan, and my family was proud of me. Everything seemed great.

Even now, with me walking home from work like I usually do because it's only a few blocks away from my apartment, I can't help but think of how great my life plan still is. I'll be a successful lawyer before I'm thirty and I'll still have time to get married, have kids and form my own family.

You'd think it's a great, simple, peaceful life for a New Yorker like me but there is just one minor snag in that everyday bliss. New York is not a quiet city that's all peaceful and the people in it don't all think the same way I do. So, my problem or issue is very hard to ignore. It's usually at certain time intervals whenever I leave and return to my apartment that has me seriously thinking about moving. It's been almost a year now and yet, I wonder why I put up with it. At first I was terrified, knowing this problem I have couldn't possibly be safe since it's always at the entrance of where I live, but then I realized that it's not really dangerous per say but just an annoying nuisance that sometimes throws off my entire day really.

And as I round the corner of my block to make my way up the sidewalk, I'm reminded of why every month I'm considering telling the landlord that either he gets rid of the problem because I'm not the only tenant who's upset, or I go. Only, I've never had the guts to confront him on this issue and it's my fault really for putting up with it for so long. Or maybe it has to do with the fact that he's the father of one of my problems that happens to come in a pack of six. Yes, I like to refer to them as the six pack because some of the best things come in sixes. Beer, abs...you name it. But that doesn't mean it's necessarily all good for you.

I'm a simple girl. I like simple things. I can also be complicated. I'm flexible. But this...this is too much.

As I get closer to them, I instinctively slow my pace because I know that it usually only takes one of them to spot me before the rest are informed of my presence and that's where it gets annoying. You see, they're not your average six. First and foremost, they're all guys and all friends but not gang members in the sense. No, their crew shares a special bond...a unique bond. What you ask?

Well, they formed their little group or crew based off of their love for motorcycles. It's nothing uncommon but still interesting because they're not the average bikers. They're what the neighborhood knows as our own personal ‘biker boys'. They're all young with good educations. They all have some form of degree in whatever filed they studied and they're all from upper class families.

But, looking at them posted up on the curb smoking, drinking and having mind-numbing conversations, you'd think they were your regular hoodlums with nothing better to do but waste their time and lives away by getting into trouble.

And yet, it's not a façade. Even with their parents giving them everything they could possibly want, they still prefer just being together, with their bikes, killing time by my apartment complex no less, living the bad boy lifestyle. And the worst part is they're actually good at being bad. It's crazy. They all have police records. Their parents aren't pleased but what can they do? They're all in their early twenties fresh out of school not really needing to work a day in their life. It's perfect for them. But terrible for me. Because I get to deal with them on a regular and it's never pretty.

I personally dislike them all, especially one in particular. Ironically enough, that's the one whose father owns my current living quarters so it's always hard dealing with him. But at the same time, I like watching him squirm because I'm the one girl in this particular complex that they...especially he, hasn't gotten to yet. God forbid I find out how many girls they've swooned and won over with their chiseled looks and hot play toys.

I refuse to be one of those girls though. But the leader, my sworn enemy, he likes a challenge. And he's been on my behind from the moment I moved here almost a year ago and hasn't given up since. I don't know why. He's only fooling his self. But the game I play with him...with all of them...is fun. So, what's one more time right?

Today's just another day in Briana's world...and I've just been spotted by Frankie, the tall latino in the group so let the games begin, yet again.

 

 

Finally making my way up the sidewalk to the entrance of my apartment complex, I smile slyly when my eyes flit over the six bikes parked on the side of the street, void any parking violations. The ‘six pack' don't play when it comes to their babies so I'm not surprised. Pausing mid-step, I keep a safe distance away from them when I divert my attention to six very distinct faces. They're posted up on the steps, resting on the wall and sitting close to the sidewalk trees smoking cigarettes since it's illegal to smoke weed out in the open like this. I know all of their names too.

But I'm not going to go down that road since they all took shots at me until one...the leader declared by some form or other that I was only his to pursue and the others had to step back.

I don't usually say much to them when I get here. I try to get past them without saying too much other than hello and simple yes or no's to their questions. Only, today is a little different. Not unusual, just different. You see, whenever I get here, they always clear the way for me to pass even if they still try to holler or talk to me. Today, I'm thinking that I'm going to have to ask politely a simple ‘excuse me' because the leader...better known as Justin...is quaintly seated right in the middle of the top stairs, blocking my path to the front door of the apartment complex.

He's only ever done this on two other occasions and both of them were when he really wanted to talk to me about something or other and insisted that I listened because he needed my help or company. The first time, he wanted me to be his date to some big bash for some hotshot famous person. I declined of course. The other time was when he got stuck attending the wedding of some relative and begged me to be his wing-girl to save him from the gooey family stuff but I declined again. I told him, I was sure he could find a girl at the wedding to entertain his self. He wasn't pleased with that suggestion but what could he do? Force me? Now being the third time...and they say the third time is the charm right? I'm wondering what he wants now.

Walking up the short flight of stairs, I smile for the other five because they're all silent today...something that's never really happened before, giving me peculiar even amused stares.

"Boys..." I smile, greeting them in unison and they return the gesture each in their own way before silence engulfs them yet again. Frowning from this new attitude which they're expelling, I cast my vision to my main target...Justin.

He's just sitting there silently finishing off his cigarette with the hardest face possible. He hasn't made any eye-contact with me yet but he does shift to drop his used cigarette so it doesn't burn me before stomping on it with his thick black boots that match the black leather jacket over the black shirt he's wearing with a pair of loose fitted jeans.

"Justin." I say calmly and emotionlessly as I greet him like every other time I come home and they're there. They're always here. I think if ever there was a day out of the ordinary when they weren't here, I'd be worried.

The cool thing about their group though is that they don't just ride their bikes creating a whirlwind of noise zooming up and down the street. They actually perform tricks and put on shows for the public which is kind of cool but still dangerous. Then again, they seem to like embracing danger. It's in their blood so that's nothing new for any of them. I do get nervous though sometimes because I'm never sure if they have the tricks down perfectly or if one of them is going to be rushed to the emergency room for something going horribly wrong during their stunts.

"Briana." Justin greets me smoothly in a low voice before he finally lifts his head to look up at my hovering form. My browns instantly latch onto his familiar blues that usually hold a pleasant stare for the most part but today they're icy cold.

I know for a fact, they're not a group you want to mess with. Even if they should seem like spoilt rich boys, they're not. They're very tough and rough around the edges. They're the real deal. They don't play. So, I'm not surprised that I'm suddenly nervous and a little uncomfortable under Justin's stare. But I can't show it. I can't for a minute make him think he's getting to me even if he always does.

"Would you..." I trail off when his eyebrows raise due to my firm tone. "Excuse me please so I can get by?" I ask politely.

He just sits there, gazing at me for a long minute before he smirks. It's a sly smirk, one that I'm used to but still unsure of. Then he stands, still eyeing me in a peculiar way before stepping aside, opening my path to the front door. I know for a fact that the moment I walk through those doors, I won't see them again until tomorrow because I have no reason to leave my apartment this evening and they never come inside.

If Justin's father is there, he usually comes outside to greet them. I guess some things about them won't change. Their picky, stuck up nature considering they all live in lavish houses or mansions won't allow them to step foot into a Bronx apartment complex unless necessary. Though, I don't see why not. It's not like outside on the block is any better. Maybe it's just me.

The moment I pass Justin and head for the front door getting ready to swing it open and be graced with the air conditioned building, I'm stunted in place. Not because I forgot something or realized something shocking, but because I felt and can still feel someone's hand gripping my wrist. It's a gentle but firm grip. One that sends shivers down my spine because in the time I've known all of them, I've never had any type of physical contact with them whatsoever, even with their flirting and passing lines at me to get in my pants. This is...this is not normal. This is new. And it's a little terrifying.

Swallowing hard, I turn around, my eyes focused on where he's still holding me, his smooth vanilla skin mixing with my chocolate brown.

Looking up into his eyes, I scowl when I realize he's giving me a questionable glare, like he's gauging my reaction since he had the guts to put his hand on me even though it's minor. I'm not about to open a window for him to make this a habit, so I yank my hand out of his grasp, smoothing my palms over my black work skirt and blue blouse since I'm pretty sure I'm getting cold sweat now with how odd they're all acting. And they're so quiet. It's so...unusual for them.

"Don't you ever touch me..." I begin lowly but he cuts me off with a piercing sarcastic laugh. "What the hell is your problem today Justin huh?" I can't take it anymore. I need to know. "What...passing lines at me, trying to get me to go out with you isn't enough anymore? You think you have some type of claim over me because you're here every day? You think you've reached the level where it's ok to add touching to your advancements of trying to get in my pants? Because it's not going to work." I hiss.

My outburst causes him to exchange glances with his five friends and as if having a silent understanding between themselves, I watch as they all move off in different directions, one by one, leaving just the two of us alone, under the entrance lights of the apartment building.

Ok, what's really going on?

 

 

When he's sure that we're completely alone, Justin diverts his attention back to me, his expression still serious and unreadable for the most part.

"Tell me Bri, how was your day?" He asks in a flat tone.

How was my day? What the hell? This method he's using...it's new, but still ineffective. I'm sorry but he's going to have to come better than that if he wants to get anywhere with me. It's not that I'm picky. I just don't trust his kind. He's the smooth sweet talking, having the girls drooling over him kind. Plus he's fine. They're dangerous because they are the ones who can morph into the perfect guy for you...but yet, you never really know who you're truly dealing with because they're like chameleons. They change their colors to adapt and fit in with their surroundings.

"It was...ok. It was good." I hesitate, wondering where he's going with this as he slicks his long fingers through his short brown locks.

"Uh huh...did anything interesting happen today?" Justin inquires before licking his luscious pink lips slowly while he's still glowering at me.

"Ok I'm lost. What's your deal Justin? This is weird...even for you." But he ignores me, continuing with his line of questioning.

"Come on Bri, wasn't today different from your regular days? You know, maybe you changed your regular lunch menu, or the boss asked you to do something new for him or...you had surprise visitors." He ends his statement with a cunning smile when my eyes widen with realization.

"Have you been spying on me?" I ask mortified but Justin simply shrugs in response.

"No." I he admits while stuffing his hands in his pockets and I scoff.

"Then how would you know if I had a regular day or not? How would you know if I had visitors?"

"My cousin works at the same firm as you." He admits honestly without missing a beat and I groan. Just perfect. I'm pretty sure he won't tell me who his cousin is out of the hundreds of workers there so I'm sure that he can get the full run down of my day whenever he asks for it without my knowledge. This is very inconvenient but not my present issue. I'm interested in knowing what my life or day has to do with him in the first place.

"It's funny..." He begins and I'm sure I'm about to get my explanation. "It took me a while to get your attention which really is the only thing I've ever gotten from you because you like playing this ‘hard to get' role with me. But, you can reunite with a long lost college love in a heartbeat with kisses and roses without so much as a second guess huh?" Justin spits bitterly while pulling out the cigarette from behind his ear and lighting it with his lighter that he digs out from his jeans pocket. His voice is so smooth and melodic when he speaks sometimes, it's hard to pay attention to what he's saying and not just relish in the tone of his voice.

"You're kidding me right now Justin?" He's jealous because my ex-boyfriend from college came to pay me a surprise visit at work? He has no claims over me. How delusional can he get?

Taking a puff of his poison, he jeers uncaringly before looking away from me. "Don't think this is a possession jealousy fit because really you're not mine to fuss over." Well at least we're on the same wave length for that.

Giving me a once over, he sighs audibly before taking another drag of his cigarette and turning his head away from me to blow out the smoke. "It's just a shame you know? Here I was thinking I was going after this special, decent girl only to find out she's nothing but your common, average everyday plain Jane who the way I see it, only fucks with prissy, book smart nerds who probably didn't even know how to fuck right or hold down his own." Justin spits boldly and my mouth gapes open in shock. "Or maybe that's just his mask for the low down dog he really is right?"

"Wha...excuse you?" I snap, clearly offended by his remark but he doesn't even flinch. "You have no right Justin." I snarl but he ignores me easily, unaffected.

"You need a tune-up girl. I could have given you that and a lot more if you just pulled the mask of your perfect view of the world off your face." He jokes but I don't find him funny. I'm itching to slap him right now but refrain because I'm not looking to get evicted because I trampled over the owner's son but he's pushing it. He's tempting me.

"And, I was gladly willing to be that guy if you'd just give me the chance you know? But I guess you already had me ‘figured out.' You already pre-judged me before you got to know me right? So I clearly had no chance from the get-go huh? Too bad though sugar. I realized where I stood today when my cousin, who on their own accord with no request from me, felt it was my right to know that you embraced your ex with open arms...who cheated on you countless times with your now ex-best friend...treating him like you all were old friends who needed to catch up when he did you like that! News gets around you know Bri. But with me, you wouldn't give me the time of day because what...you think I'm not good enough for you? That I'm this rugged bad boy who plays all the ladies?" Finishing off his cigarette, Justin tosses it onto the sidewalk not bothering to out it this time.

I'm just standing in shock and awe as I absorb all he's telling me. I was clearly not expecting that and right now I'm at a loss for words. He sees that when he studies me but it doesn't deter him. Instead, it puts a smile on his face.

"You might be right on a few of those assumptions if you've made them already. But know that I treat all the ladies with respect and here's something you might have never known..." Leaning forward, his blues scan my face momentarily and my breath hitches in my throat from our close proximity. His lips are only mere centimeters from mine. In fact, I can feel his hot breath against my face, laced with the cigarette smoke he just consumed but even as disgusting as I think it is to have cigarette breath, for him...it works.

It's strange but, I've never wanted to be in any situation like this with him because I really don't like him very much but he's right. My current dislike for him is due to all of the assumptions I've made. Still, he's no good guy. He's far from it. So why can't I end this? Why can't I just walk away like I want to...like I know that it should? I don't have to stand here and listen to this. No one is holding me here. He's clearly out of my way. I just need to push those doors open and be done with this encounter for the night. He has no say in my life but yet, I'm frozen in place.

And just when I think he's going to cross some boundary and completely ruin his chances by kissing me and receiving a slap afterwards surely, he shifts his head to the side to whisper in my ears instead, the heat of his breath sending waves of electricity shooting through my body like lightening shocks. That can't be good.

"Whenever I find that one girl Briana...that one girl that I just have to have among the rest and I pull out all my stops to get her, eventually I get her. But most importantly, I make her the only one. I don't fuck around or play with that. Everything I am, everything I have, everything I give her physically, emotionally, materially...it's all for her and no one else. I promise you, if I wanted to fuck around elsewhere, I'd let her loose and not string her along because I'm not the drama kind of guy if I can help it..." Justin whispers, closing the gap between us until our bodies are almost touching.

And I gulp down hard, my heartbeat increasing in intervals when he brings his large hand up to brush away some of my dark hair from my face. "I'm completely hers, for as long as she'll have me, for as long as she remains completely and only mine. But, I guess some girls are intimidated by that because a guy who comes on too strong can scare them away. I'm just that type of guy I guess. So, you can see my dilemma." He states, finally pulling away from me to give me a bright smile.

Looking up at his tall figure, I blink slightly trying to regain my composure as I grip unto the front doors getting ready to walk into my apartment and away from this sick torture.

"But what can I say?" Justin beams, touching under my chin softly. "I guess I just...have this sick weakness and craving for chocolate. And you know what they say...you'll never be pleased or happy until you satisfy your cravings." Taking a step away from me, he moves to make his way down the front stairs of his father's building, his friends long gone out of sight. But they're close by I'm sure because their bikes are still here.

"Have a good night Bri. Just...don't keep me waiting too long because the longer it takes, the worse those cravings get and the harder it is to satisfy them." Justin voices with a wink before he leaves me standing alone on the platform at the entrance. Whipping around, he jogs down the stairs until he's back on the sidewalk and heading towards his bike. Pushing the front doors open, I hesitate as I watch him throw on his helmet and hop unto his bike bringing it to life and revving it up.

Turning to give me one last glance, he chuckles softly then pulls out of his parking spot and into the street, instantly picking up speed as he zooms down the streets of my neighborhood and out of sight. I'm pretty sure his friends heard his departure and they're going to be following soon so I cautiously step foot into my apartment building, closing the door behind me. I don't exactly want to see the other five or have any conversation with them after that encounter with Justin.

As I make my way to the elevators that lead to my floor, I notice Justin's dad coming out of his office. He gives me a quick glance with a coy smile and I return the favor, still wondering what the fuck just really happened between me and his son. I hardly said anything but I'd say I pretty much got Justin's message loud and clear. He was through playing games with me and that terrified and thrilled me all at the same time. But you know what? I'm not sure that I want to make sense of these jacked up feelings so I'm going to ignore them and simply go about my regular evening up in my apartment unwinding with a good meal, a movie and maybe a few phone calls to my friends and family.

As I press the up button for the elevators and patiently wait for one to bring me to my floor, I realize that today wasn't as regular as I thought it would be. Oh no. Today...today I'm predicting is the start of possibly a very destructive future and I have Justin to thank for that one.

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