Chapter 10 - The Decision(s)
Two Days Later...
Justin's Estate
"Daddy! Daddy! You want to pway wiff me?"
A vibrant, petite three year old decked out in a tiny green dress, sprints into the living room where she knows her father is currently located. Stopping dead in her tracks when he comes into view, she notices that he's slouched forward mumbling incoherent phrases to himself. "Daddy what wrong?" Courtney asks as she cautiously walks up to Justin.
Lifting his head to glare at her, he carefully encircles her in his strong arms, hoisting her off the floor to sit on his lap. Giving her a weary smile, he shifts some hair out of her face to study her smooth features.
"God you remind me of her so much." He mutters as he hugs Courtney against his broad chest. "I can't loose you guys too. I'd never live through it this time." He whispers.
"Is otay daddy. I wove you." Courtney coos, not understanding what he just divulged.
"I know you do and thank you. I guess it's something I have to get used to hearing again." Justin shrugs nervously before he grabs the remote from where he's been lounging on his leather sofa. Switching the channel to Nickelodeon for Courtney's viewing pleasure he rests his head back in his seat getting lost in his thoughts.
He knows he needs to come up with a plan to stop whatever JC and Grant are plotting but what? And how? If Grant holds true to his threats, he'll probably contact Justin some time today about his decision which he already made. He won't stand for them hurting his baby girl or Diane. He has every intension of killing them both before it can come to that. Justin has realized his heart has hardened over the years but still, after all the promises he's made to himself, his weakness for Diane has taken over.
Presently, he's not sure where his feelings stand. He wants to say it could be love, but, that's preposterous. Firstly, he can't even identify such a feeling anymore. And, If he loved her, he'd never put her through the things he did. Then again, he knows he is a sick individual who is in desperate need of a shrink, but he'd never let that happen either.
He's clueless as to what he should do to seek help. He won't discuss his life and past with a complete stranger. They'd maybe turn him into the police if he does. So what? Well, he can't be bothered with that now. What he needs to worry about is conjuring up a plan to get rid of JC and Grant or to at least let them see that he wants no part in this and if they go against his wishes, there will be dire consequences to face.
Tugging at his black wife beater, Justin casts his vision south to Courtney who's engrossed in a Spongebob episode. She's comfortably sitting on his lap, bouncing and giggling at whatever is going on with her favorite cartoon characters. Smiling lightly, Justin shakes his head in amusement before he stretches his hand across to grab his famous ‘pimp cup' that contains scotch and coke. Taking a few large gulps, he grimaces slightly and places the cup back down before he opts to say something to his daughter.
"Where's mommy Courtney?" Justin asks in a light whisper.
"Upstairs with tanty Rachel." Courtney mindlessly mumbles.
"Oh? What are they doing up there?" Justin inquires curiously.
"Mommy say your friend come over." Courtney replies and Justin instantly tenses, his muscles contracting to the point of cramping.
"What friend?" Justin snaps, shifting until he places Courtney to sit next to him on the sofa. Standing, he gazes down at his daughter waiting for her to say something else. Pulling her eyes away from the television screen for a spilt second, she gives him a toothy green. Arching his brows, Justin folds his arms across his chest still awaiting an answer. "Well?" He probes.
"Mommy date tha same wone." She shrugs and her attention is easily diverted back to the cartoon she's watching.
Grumbling, Justin turns on his heels and heads out of the living room in search of Diane. Is she crazy? Ok well he hasn't exactly given her a reason to beware of JC just yet but still, she's supposed to trust him enough to stay away from JC when he tells her to.
Before he can make his way up his winding staircase, his doorbell goes off. Mumbling obscenities under his breath, he storms over to the front door in rage. Glancing through the peep hole, he scowls then turns the knob forcefully swinging the door open.
"What the fuck do you want?" He snaps harshly while eyeing the two men in disdain.
"Well, I came here to take Diane out..."
"And I came here for your decision..." Grant finishes JC's sentence which causes Justin to laugh bitterly.
"You two fucks are psychotic. What makes you think you can just show up on my property like this?" Justin sneers while narrowing his eyes at JC. "And Diane isn't going anywhere with you." He hisses as he fixes the string on his black slacks before he steps back to slam the door shut in their faces.
Putting his foot in the way, Grant easily pushes his way in with JC in tow. Clenching his fists, Justin glares at the two men wondering what could possibly possess them to just show up like this suddenly and unannounced.
"Get the fuck out Grant and you too Josh. I don't want this to resort to violence." Justin demands.
"It won't have to once you cooperate Justin." Grant adds in but Justin raises his hand to silence him. The only reason why he's not going off on them and pulling out his gun to out them both is because his daughter is in the other room, and he'd never want her to be traumatized like he was when he witnessed his father being killed.
"Listen Justin, I called Diane and she said..." But Justin easily interrupts JC.
"Wow hold the fuck on. Firstly, you didn't request Di and without my permission, she's not going anywhere with you. I don't know what you two think you're doing but I don't want to call my security on you. Just leave." Justin pleads, trying his best to keep his temper at bay for the sake of Courtney.
"I told you Justin. I will not take no for an answer. You'll either provide Diane for our services or one of your other girls. You can't get out of this one. You agreed to help and I'd like to know you hold true to your word." Grant states while fixing his cream collared shirt.
Racking his brain for the easiest way out, Justin darts out his tongue and grazes it across his teeth in thought. "Since you're so worried about me keeping my word, maybe I can refer you to someone else. But, none of my girls especially Diane are for sale and that's final Grant. I don't know what goes on in your twisted brain but you can't have any of them." Justin enforces, swinging his hand to the back of his waistband where his gun is tucked away.
"Easy Justin, don't pull that thing out we were just...look is Diane here? At least let her know I came by and I didn't stand her up." JC begs already moving to make his exit.
He knew from the start, Justin would never agree to this. He's not sure what Grant has up his sleeve but Justin isn't budging and they need to make this deal go through and soon, else it will be both their necks on the line.
Being the sly person JC is, he has a plan, but he knows in order for Justin to be unaware, he'll have to pretend to be ok with Justin's decision.
"Oh Josh, clearly you're a bit slow in the intelligence department. Unless you request any of my girls through me, which you didn't, none of them are going out with you on whatever shit date you have set up. I'll need to have a talk with Diane about that. She must be crazy." Justin jeers. "But uh my little girl is in the other room, so for her sake, I'm kicking you assholes out quietly, now step before I change my mind and out you both."
"You wouldn't do that Justin." JC says uneasily while shifting his weight on his feet. The truth is he knows Justin is the uncaring type and it won't take much for him to kill them both and still be able to sleep at night. JC knows for a fact that Justin's past has turned him into a certified monster.
The only weak spot he seems to have if for Courtney and Diane. JC is aware that this will either work in his favor or against him. Either way, he'll need to find out and soon. Stuffing his hands into his jeans pocket, he looks over in the direction of the living room when he sees a head full of golden brown curls pop out from around the corner.
"I'll do whatever I have to, to protect..." But Justin's tone fades when he hears a soft, tiny voice call out to him.
"Daddy you otay?" The little girl instantly comes into view and rushes up to grip Justin's leg while lifting her head to eye the two men standing before him.
Sighing loudly, Justin casts his vision south, making sure to keep his gun hidden in his waistband. Biting the corner of his lip slightly, he bends down and picks up the three year old in his arms, encircling her into a protective hug. "I'm fine Court."
"Well, what do we have here?" Grant smirks coyly. Reaching out to touch Courtney, Justin uses his free hand to jack him roughly in the chest, causing Grant to hit his back against the wall.
"What the fuck man!" Grant groans in pain while rubbing at his chest.
"Never in your life try to touch my daughter else I'll break off your limbs Grant, I'm warning you." Justin hisses as he skims Courtney's back who's silent just watching the two men in awe. JC smiles at her and she returns the favor by giving him a shy half-smile before she latches unto Justin's shoulders and buries her head in the crook of his neck.
"This isn't working how I hoped it would." Grant explains while ruffling his shirt and pulling out his cell to make a call. "Ok Justin, you win this time. I have some shit I need to take care of right now. But this isn't over. We're going to get your help whether you give it or not." Grant explains as he swings the front door open getting ready to leave.
"I can't even believe you had the balls to come here. And your threats don't mean shit Grant. I'll have both of you killed if I have to before you lay a hand on my..."
"On your what Justin? Your family? Man, you're a pimp who fell for one of your hoes and accidentally impregnated her. That's no family my friend." Grant explains. "That's sick and twisted. That's what this is and you know it. You just can't face the fact that you're always going to be alone. Who would want someone like you Justin? Who would even love you?" Grant chides while dialing some digits on his cell subconsciously.
JC remains quiet as he glares at Justin's expressions. They're a mixture of hatred and pain. He knows Justin has been through a lot. He also knows that Grant has no clue as to what exactly went on in Justin's past. Not even he knows the full story. If Grant knew, he'd know to hold his tongue because Justin tends to get very defensive when topics of his past arise.
Blinking rapidly, Justin inhales and exhales sharply before swallowing roughly to calm his impulses.
"Daddy?" Courtney whispers when Justin's hold on her tightens significantly, but he ignores her as he tilts his head to the side, eyeing Grant thoroughly.
Casting his vision in JC's direction, Justin notes how the older man is avoiding eye contact. Shaking his head sadly, he takes a step towards Grant giving him a menacing glare. "Grant, at the end of the day, no matter how fucked up my life may be, I'm still better off because I'm not you." Justin's tone filters through Grants ears in an eerie low grunt causing the man to snap his head up at him in astonishment.
"That's really nice Justin. This is not helping your situation one bit. I can't stay and fight you on this now. I was hoping when I showed up you'd be ready to negotiate but I was wrong. We'll be in touch Justin. I promise you that much." And with a smirk, Grant easily walks out of the door and unto the estate grounds where his car is parked out front.
"And ask for you." Justin's tone instantly increases with fury when he looks over at JC who stops suddenly when Justin calls out to him. "Never pull that stunt you just pulled again. I swear Josh, I swear, I will do anything to protect my girls. I won't let you come in and fuck things up because you got your own ass in trouble again. Watch it man. I'm only lenient on you because we have history but I swear Josh there is so much bullshit I'm willing to endure before I do something about it." Justin warns while fixing Courtney in his hold.
"Yeah I got it man. I just thought that since we were cool and Diane..."
"Do you like her or something?" Justin inquires nosily. "You my friend are fucked up." Justin chortles coldly.
"No I just thought..."
"You just thought you'd persuade her to leave me in an underhanded manner. You are something else Josh. Just get the hell out. I'm not in the mood to entertain this any further. And I'll make sure to let my security guards know that neither of you are welcome here anymore." Justin adds in for good measure watching how JC's eyes bulge out.
"What? Come on Justin. All I'm asking is for your help and you're acting this way. I thought we were friends man." JC pleads.
"The key word there is were Josh. It's in the past. After that shit you and Grant tried to pull and Grant threatening me on top of it, I'm sorry dude, but, you're on your own."
"You can't mean that! If I don't get your help now I'm fucked man. If it wasn't for me you'd be dead today." JC cries out.
"Ok fine, I'll give you that one, but I think I've paid my dues don't you? I protected you from the police investigations, I've helped you out many times in other ways in the past and you got the best deals possible with my girls. Gambling on a person's life is where I draw the line Josh."
Before JC can plead his case, they're easily interrupted by a third voice from the top of the stairway. When Justin looks up and notices Diane, he rolls his eyes before releasing a plaintive sigh. He will admit that the look of excitement on her face makes his heart ache just a tad bit, but he quickly hides it by pushing JC out of the doorway and unto the platform before she can get down to them. "Don't fuck with me Josh. This is the very last warning for both you and Grant. The next time no words will be spoken but a form of action will be taken." Justin enforces, just as Diane makes it unto the threshold.
Hearing Grant's horn, JC whips around to voice he's coming before he turns back to face Justin. "I'm sorry it had to come to this Justin. I'm sorry." JC apologizes knowing that his statement has a double meaning behind it. Bowing his head, he simply turns to leave without saying anything else or looking back when he hears Diane calling out to him.
With a huff and a growl, Justin easily slams the front door shut and locks it before turning around to face Diane with a silent Courtney in his arms.
Frowning at her perplexed expression, he knows this isn't going to be easy. In fact, by the displeased look on her face, Justin's aware that there is going to be some type of war taking place if he doesn't avoid her at all costs. Really, he's not even up to deal with her either at the moment.
*****
"Oh my god Justin, please tell me you didn't just kick JC out!" I scream incredulously. Is he for real? I just spent the last hour getting ready. I though he was cool. I thought we were making progress. I didn't think he would mind. I thought...who cares what I thought? He just kicked JC out.
Shooting me a scathing look, Justin bites his bottom lip to prevent the slew of curse words I'm sure he's itching to spill from his lips right now. Giving me one last hard stare, he brushes past me with Courtney in his arms. She's just looking at me with her bright blue eyes as her tiny arms are hooked around Justin's neck while he carries her to another part of the house. I don't understand how she can forgive him for everything he's done so easily. It doesn't come that easy for me.
"Justin!" I call out. He's not getting away. We spent the last two days trying to communicate with each other. It wasn't easy and he still won't tell me anything about JC and this Grant dude that he mentioned. We've been on pins and needles for these past few days. Whenever he's angry now, I've realized that he leaves instead of staying to state how he feels. I mean, ok, he's not physically hurting me, but what he's doing by keeping it inside isn't any better.
Going in search of Justin in the direction he disappeared seconds earlier, I find him in the game room pulling out one of Courtney's puzzle games from a shelf. She's sitting on the chair bouncing up and down in excitement and I can't really stay angry at him here. The sight of those two spending time together is enough to melt my heart, but we need to discuss what's happening. Maybe I made a mistake by agreeing to go out with JC. I knew Justin would never approve. I was sort of hoping it would fuel him enough to tell me what's going on and why I should stay away from JC, but all it's done is enraged him.
His anger has switched from being vile to a sort of calm, dormant state that could erupt at any given moment. I much rather see him riled up. This solemn trait he portrays is dangerous because I have no idea what he's thinking or feeling. Gazing around the room that's decked out in a pool table, ping pong table and arcade games, I cautiously approach Justin and Courtney.
"Mommy! Daddy pway wiff me!" She beams proudly while pointing to Justin who's giving the puzzle his full attention as he places the pieces from the box unto the nearby table.
"I see that sweetie." I smile warmly for her. She's too adorable for her own good. "But uh, mommy wants to speak to daddy alone first, so, could you give us a little alone time? You can go meet aunty Rachel and when we're done talking, I'll call you back ok?" I explain and she nods with a giddy grin on her face.
"Otay! I get tanty Rachel watch spongeboob!" She squeaks while jumping down on her feet.
Laughing at her eagerness, I shake my head in response. "Ok baby, you go ahead." I wink for her then bend down to place a light kiss on her cheek before I escort her out of the room and shut the door, locking it in the process.
Straightening my posture and whipping around to face Justin, I jump slightly when I see that he's looking directly at me with an emotionless expression.
Freezing in place, I let out a breath when he purses his lips together.
"I'm not going to yell at you and tell you how stupid you were for making a date with JC behind my back. I think you know that was a dumb move and you were just trying to get a rise out of me." He spits, before he makes his way over to the door but I quickly rush up and block his path.
"Justin..."
"Don't Diane. Don't fuck with me right now. I have some shit I need to do. I need to get Ronnie and Jacob on the phone." He explains but I interrupt his exit again.
"Damn it Justin! We've been like this for the past two days. Ever since you whisked us away in your limo the night of the media frenzy you've been distant and unresponsive. What the hell is going on now? I want answers!" I demand while poking at his chest. I need to remember that even though he's refrained from raising his hands on me, he's still the same old Justin.
Passing his palms over his chest, I watch as the muscles in his arms contract and relax with each movement and breath he takes. "Don't do this now Di, please." He whispers, trying to get by again but instead I grip his wife beater and shove him into the wall. His eyes widen slightly by my forward gesture but soon he smirks and just connects his blues to my browns with an amused expression on his face.
"Are we switching roles here?" He muses but it's a dry joke and he knows none of this is funny. "Just let me leave Diane." Justin forces out in a harsher tone.
"No, not until you tell me what I need to know about this JC ordeal else I'll find a way to see him without you knowing. I like him Justin. You know that. If he's showing interest in me, why can't I..." But I'm cut off when Justin grips my waist and reverses positions so my back is pressed up against the wall.
Closing the tiny gap between us, my breath lodges in my throat when I see a hint of the old Justin shining through. He's breathing deeply and his hot breath reeks of alcohol. I can't believe he was drinking...again. "Di, why must you always push at my buttons like this? Do you like pissing me off?"
"Justin I just..." But he cuts me off.
"Stay away from JC Diane. This is the last time I'm telling you this. I won't say it again. You make a decision here. You have the safety of our kid riding on this. If I have to put you on lock down until this mess is cleared up I will. Don't play with me Diane." He growls lowly, before he pushes away from me and storms to the exit.
Unlocking the door, he swings it open and quickly exits leaving me baffled. What about my baby? Is he for real? I'm starting to think that our safety is really in danger with whatever Justin has going on with JC and Grant. I haven't even met Grant. Damn it, why me?
This is too much to deal with really. I guess I'll have to scratch JC off as an option to get out of this life I've been trapped in. I'd love to say I can stay because Justin is improving, but, I can't be part of this dysfunctional life and relationship anymore. I want and deserve more. Courtney deserves more and I know for a fact, Justin is no where close to providing that stability that we both need.
I think the best solution would be to leave without Justin knowing. That way I won't have to face his explosion of anger if and when he does find out. I just need to figure out how. Now that Justin mentioned we might be in some actual danger, I can't keep Courtney in this. I will not be able to forgive myself if anything happens to my angel when it can be avoided. But first, I need to find him. I need to get him to tell me something, anything.
Dashing out of the game room, I notice that Rachel has Courtney in her arms heading for the front door. Stopping my tracks at the bottom of the stairway, I gaze at her expectantly. "Justin asked you to take her?" I enquire.
"Actually, he wants me to bring her back later tonight but for now he just wants some alone time. We'll be back later tonight close to her bed time. He went up to his room if you're wondering where he is." Rachel states and I nod in agreement. Giving my little girl a light hug and kiss, I hand her back to Rachel so they can leave.
When they're gone, my eyes drop to the mini jeans skirt and red tight top I'm wearing. Sighing when I think of JC, I guess my plan didn't work out too well. Justin still isn't talking. God, he's so confusing with these extreme mood swings he goes through. I really hope I can help him. Thank goodness the girls are out shopping for the day. I would have joined them but my baby girl was here so I stayed behind.
Sprinting up the winding stairs, I walk briskly to Justin's room not bothering to knock on the door. Twisting the knob, I kick the door open when I realize it's unlocked and strut right into his room kicking off my shoes in the process. Shutting and locking it behind me, I take a moment to gather my bearings. I'd never get away with this if the old Justin was active just a few months even weeks ago. He'd call me out on it but this Justin is more tolerant so I'm taking my chances.
Scanning my surroundings which look like a replica of my bedroom only much larger, I hold my breath when he struts out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped low around his waist. His body is damp with water droplets and shit, that was the quickest shower ever...
"What do you want Di?" Justin connects his blues to my browns before yawning lightly as he moves over to his wardrobe to look for a change of clothes.
Opening my mouth to speak, I shut it immediately when I take in the muscles in his back as they flex when he moves. Dear god the man is so gorgeous. I wish he wasn't such a beast then maybe I could try to love him some. Well that isn't completely true, because I've been in love with him for years now. I can't ever tell him. I'm not sure how he'd respond to that.
So, I guess I need help too because who loves someone who destroys them both physically and emotionally? I must really check on that. I can't possibly be sane to still have such strong feelings for him. But I do, and when he's calm and somewhat normal like he is now, those feelings grow in intensity and I really can't control them anymore. I just need an outlet for all this stress and frustration I've built up over the years.
"You're speechless now?" He cracks as he comes over with a pair of blue boxers and white vest in hand.
Allowing my eyes to travel over his smooth face, defined arms and toned abs, I swallow hard at the slight bulge poking through the material of his towel. Looking up to stare at him I take a step back when he gives me a knowing glare. "I'm not telling you what you came here to find out Di." He explains before whipping around to move to another part of the room but I stop him.
"I'm thinking about leaving." I blurt out. Where the hell did that come from? I said I wasn't going to tell him. Holy shit, my brain and mouth are not cooperating here.
Spinning around in an instant, Justin drops his clothes on a nearby chair before he stalks over to me. "Leaving to go where exactly?" he asks while licking his lips in the process. Is it wrong to want to kiss him right now? God, I've lost my mind.
"Just..."
"You can't leave Di. Where are you going to go? You don't have any money or a place to stay." He explains, clearly upset by my little revelation. "Did JC talk you into considering this because..."
"No Justin, listen." I quickly interrupt him when I see how riled up he's getting. He's fully irritated with me now; I can tell. "I've been trying to make the right decision here for some time now. I was going to leave without telling you, but that wouldn't be fair since you're really trying to do right by us but Justin, if we're in danger I can't..."
"Just shut up Diane." He snaps, looking away from me. "You said you'd stay. You said you would if I tried to change so why the fuck are you changing your mind now? You're no safer away from me. They'd just find you if they wanted to." He groans loudly before moving over to his bed. Plopping down on the edge, he places his hands over his face as he hunches forward.
"Uh..." I'm lost again. He needs to stop doing this. He just needs to spit whatever it is out. "I haven't exactly made a final decision. I'm still looking at how you progress but you need professional help Justin. I can't keep doing this. I can't!" I belt.
"Just get the fuck away from me." He spits fiercely.
Slumping, I walk over to him and carefully sit next to him. His head is still down and his shoulders are moving up and down with each powerful deep breath he takes. "Justin please help me out here. Fill me in on something. Don't keep me in the dark." I plead.
Lifting his head to look at me, he blinks dramatically a few times before he lets out a throaty growl. "Look Di, if it will take me seeing a fucking shrink, I'll do it. Just don't go please." His eyes are glossy and there's anguish written all over his face.
I'm starting to realize that maybe he does care somewhat about Courtney and me. He's not the emotional type when it comes to matters of the heart, so I know he'll leave me guessing and I'm not about to ask him what's really going on in the feelings department.
Nodding in response, I don't bother to answer for fear of getting him worked up again. He's doing well so far even though he's still rough around the edges. He's making an effort and that's all I can ask for at the moment.
"And listen, I can't really tell you much about JC and Grant because honestly I don't know what they are really up to; But, I can tell you they are two dangerous men you need not associate with anymore than you have to. Don't go behind my back to see JC out of spite Diane. You'll get more than you bargained for. I'm trying to settle a business situation with them. Until that is out of the way, don't affiliate with Josh Di. You'll end up regretting it. He's worse than I am trust me on this. His good guy act is really getting old." Justin hisses as he seems to be deep in thought.
"Just listen to me. I might need Jacob and Ronnie to help me on this one to work on how I can get Grant and Josh off my back before things get ugly. Just know I won't let them hurt you, Court or any of my girls. Just trust me please." He begs and what can I really say? I have no clue about anything so I just have to accept his word and hope it's legit.
"Fine Justin fine."
"Don't give up on me just yet Di, I'm really fucking trying here." He states while grabbing one of my hands in his. Keeping eye contact I just shrug. What do I say? I don't even know. He's throwing me for a loop. Just when I think I have him sort of figured out, he switches on me.
"Ok Justin. I'll stay away from JC. I hope you'll tell me why soon."
"Once it's safe to tell you I will. And keep away from any media speculation as well. If you encounter them at any time don't respond to their outlandish questions." He instructs and I nod in response. "Good, because I have a feeling they'll be back so just be prepared for that."
Dropping my hands, he moves to stand but I grip his wrist to stop him. "Justin, are you ok?" I inquire.
"What kind of question is that?" He scoffs, eyeing me down in the process.
"I just...you're so unstable I just..."
"I'm as fine as a person like me who lived my life can get Di. Don't worry about it."
When he moves to stand again I grip his arm roughly to make him sit down with a thud. "Justin..." drifting off, I start battling with my choice of words. I hope he doesn't take what I'm about to say the wrong way. "Look, despite everything I've been through and had to endure with you, I...I still care you know? I care about you and I care about what happens to you and to all of us who live here with you. You're not alone Justin. I guess I've decided to stay longer but only because I know you can change for the better. Please just, know that I care ok?" I try to reason hoping it will at least set him somewhat at ease.
When I don't receive a reply, I can feel my nerves acting up. Please don't be mad at me. Please don't...he's just sitting there staring at me. God, I hope he doesn't blow up or...but my mind drifts when he responds by pressing his pink soft lips against mine unexpectedly.
Jesus, that's not the response I was looking for at all! A simple ok or thank you would suffice, not this. Not again. I can't tell him no. I can't deny him when he's like this, so helpless and vulnerable.
When I don't respond to his light kisses, he easily closes the gap between us and deepens the kiss as his hands find my waist to pull me in closer. This is beyond wrong. What we're doing should be illegal for so many reasons. We can't...I can't...do this. Shit, my body and my brain are on two different wave lengths here.
Not wasting anymore time, I begin kissing him back causing him to smile into the kiss. Ugh, how do we always end up in these weird situations? It's not awkward, just a weird way of temporarily numbing the issue. But I'm going with it because well, it's not like I can resist him here. He's in his freaking towel...there's no way no matter what has happened that I can deny him. Yeah I hate myself so much right now.
"Justin..." I moan between kisses when he pulls me to straddle his waist. Our mouths are shamelessly exploring the other as our tongues battle and probe at each other's insides. God, he tastes incredible even with the hint of alcohol on his lips.
"Hmmm?" He mumbles as his hands move to my back to grip my ass tightly through my jeans skirt that's high up over my thighs.
"This is crazy. What are we doing?" I choke out.
Breaking our lip-lock, he glares at me briefly before he drops his head to the crook of my neck to kiss me softly there.
"I don't fucking know, but...I just need you now Di and I care too." His words are muffled but I catch them.
Frowning, I push back to try and pick up on his expressions but instead, he deepens his suction on my neck as his hands snake their way underneath my shirt. God, we really are demented to be partaking in this right now. But his kisses and touches are so mind blowing when he's gentle. If this is what being with him is going to be like when he's fully normal again, how can I say no to him? I really want us to reach to that stage. Now, I think he's just vulnerable and needs an outlet and well I'm not complaining. We're sort of on the same page for once.
Latching my hands unto his shoulders, I arch my back slightly as he fiddles with my bra underneath my shirt to unhook it. When he's successful, he pulls away to yank my shirt and bra off my body.
Pushing back to glare at me, he smirks before he dips his head to my mounds taking one of my nipples into his mouth and sucking hungrily on it. "Oh my god..." I moan as I push forward to feel more of him. My mind is spinning and screaming at me to stop this but I'm ignoring. I'm enjoying this way too much to really care right now.
In the blink of an eye, Justin switches positions so he's hovering on top as we lay on his king size bed. Pausing briefly, he unpins my skirt and effortlessly tugs it and my panty down and off my legs. He really doesn't waste any time does he? When he has me fully naked, he stops his movements to just stare at me, which is very unnerving and a little creepy.
"Justin..."
"Shush..." He silences me, as his eyes roam over my figure repeatedly. Finally reestablishing eye contact with me, he sighs softly. "I'm so stupid." He mutters, but before I can even ask what he means, he crashes his lips against mine again in an intense kiss. Wrapping my arms around his waist, I break the kiss and tug at his towel until I get it undone. Pulling it from around his waist, I toss it uncaringly unto the carpeted floor before my arms start to roam over his lean physic groping at and rubbing on his bare skin. I'm maybe enjoying this sinful indulgence a little too much but fuck it.
Propping himself up on his elbow, he uses his free hand to trace light patterns over my stomach as he nestles himself between my legs. I can feel how thick, rock solid and ready he is, yet he's stalling. Why? Shit my insides are burning up right now. I just want him to get to it already. I'll worry about the consequences later.
"Justin what's wrong?" I coo while caressing the side of his face with my palm and fingertips. Studying me intently he leans forward to connect our foreheads together as he takes one of his hands to position his self at my entrance.
My breath instantly sticks in my throat and I wrap my legs around is slender waist to give him better access as his dick twitches against my clit and opening. Inhaling sharply, Justin kisses my nose then lips lightly before he finally says something. "I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through Di. I just..." Trailing off, he begins pushing his way in and my eyes widen immensely when he starts stretching my walls apart. Trying to suppress my moans, I continue staring at him interestingly, wondering what he's really trying to say. "Shit..." He chokes out before he heaves and grips unto my waist to pull me down underneath him. "I...I don't want..." Swallowing hard, he shuts his eyes tightly as he continues sliding all the way in until he can't go further.
Biting the corners of my mouth, I shut my eyes when a wave of pleasure ripples through my core as he sets his pace, rocking our hips together. I'm starting to feel that this isn't as wrong as I've deemed it to be, but maybe I'm only saying this because my mind is hazed right now. This is just too fucking delicious to pass up.
I...I'm weak when it comes to Justin. I think it's obvious. I do wish I had a little more self control. It might have saved me a lot of distress but that's insignificant right now. Now, we're molded together as one and that's a fucking spectacular feeling.
"Goddamn..." Justin spits as he pulls out and pushes back in with intense force. Arching my back off the bed, he wraps his arms around my waist to glue our damp bodies together. I can feel my breasts grazing against his hard chest only heightening the sensations and pleasure between us. Grabbing his shoulders for support, I relax under his hold as he continues to thrust in and out of me at a powerful, moderate speed.
"Ugh god!" I finally cry out when I can't keep in my moans any longer.
"Di..." Justin whispers in a raspy tone before he growls lowly, causing my eyes to shoot open. His orbs are clouded over as he gives me a lecherous stare. "I don't...want...to...lose...you." He forces out between each pleasurable, powerful thrust. Shit, what did he say?
"Huh?" I utter haphazardly as I hold on for dear life. The man knows what he's doing; I swear this feels too amazing right now to be wrong. Matching his hip movements, I watch as his blues remain locked on my browns. He's biting his bottom lip softly in concentration as he tries to hold back his own groans of ecstasy. He's grinding our hips together determined to get us to our peaks.
"I said...fuck Di!" Justin belts before gripping one of my thighs to push it higher above his waist so he can go deeper. "I said I don't want to lose you." He rambles out in a choppy breath and my eyes widen slightly by that admittance.
"You...you won't." I croak when I feel my orgasm already building from the pit of my stomach.
"I'm serious...I..." And that's as far as he gets before his body jerks slightly on top of mine. Fighting to regulate his breathing, Justin drops his head to my shoulder blade, slicking out his tongue to lick and kiss me there lightly as his fingers dig into my sides. Both our bodies are covered in light coasts of sweat and by the death grip he has on me, I know he's close. I can feel his dick pulsing and twitching inside of me. I'm literally flowing like a river right now as my walls constrict around him with each movement he makes inside of me.
"Uh...I'm gonna..." But Justin silences me by pressing his mouth against mine. Lifting my hands to grip the back of his head, grazing him with my fingers, I pull him against me as he continues to work us both over the edge. When he deepens the kiss and squeezes my hips affectionately I shudder despite myself. Shit, what are we doing really? This is...I can feel my emotions bubbling and askew.
Before I can even contemplate on how truly bizarre this is, my body writhes beneath him when he hits my g-spot dead on, making my orgasm spiral over the top, causing me to let go suddenly. My eyes widen, since he's stifling my cries with his kisses. Pushing against him, he holds me down in place as he continues pounding in and out of me, riding my orgasm until he finally lets himself go, a deeply rooted groan rising in his throat and spilling out of his lips.
Pulling away from me, Justin shuts his eyes tightly as he releases his load, coating my walls while I'm trying to come down from my high.
"Shit..." He breathes out still thrusting lightly until his hips cease all movement and his body goes rigid.
Gasping for air, I relax against the mattress and allow my hands to drop to my sides. Pushing his body off of mine, Justin gives me a once over before a light smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. "I swear I didn't plan for this to happen." He grins and I just giggle weakly.
"I know." I assure him because really, we went from talking to fucking...or whatever this was...in no time flat. I didn't even see it coming.
"I...I...what I said I..." Stumbling over his words, he wipes at his face roughly and just like that the easy comfortable nature we just had is gone. The seriousness and intensity of our screwed up situation is back as he easily slides out of me and hops off the bed in record speed. He's confused and deeply troubled. It's written all over his expressions. I kind of feel bad for him.
Grabbing his towel on the floor, he wraps it back around his waist before he turns to look at me. "It...it's uh going to be dark out soon and...if you...I mean, you can stay here and nap if you want while I handle some shit. When Courtney gets back I'll tell you." Justin says softly and I can't help but smile at how adorable he's being again.
"Ok..." I sigh before I grip the warm comforter, pulling it over my body while nestling into his pillow. I'm too tired to fight or protest. I wish he'd just stay with me and pull me to lay in his arms but that's not happening. Inhaling deeply, I flutter my eyes slightly. God, everything smells of him since this is his bed. Still, he's so unhealthy for me.
Nodding in response, he passes his hands over his hair and then face. Walking over to me, he's just hovering as he examines me thoroughly. "You know Di, if I could erase everything I've done and take a do over, I would, but only to the point after I met you. I would keep everything the same before we met because if I changed anything, I wouldn't have known you and I don't think I'd have wanted that, knowing what I know now." He explains and I'm speechless. Say what now? Where did that come from?
"Oh uh well I..." I'm stumped.
"It's cool. I'll be back soon." He quickly catches himself and turns to move around the room, gathering a change of clothes.
Lying on my back, I pull the covers over my bare chest hugging unto them for dear life as I stare up at the ceiling. "We need a resolution and soon." I whisper to myself before Justin comes over to me again a few minutes later.
Turning to face him, I realize he has his jeans on now and his cell phone is clutched tightly in his palm as he hits speed dial. "I've made a decision Di." He states while keeping his blues locked on me.
"Oh?"
"Yeah, once I get this JC and Grant situation under control, I'm thinking of switching things and this entire business up to accommodate all of you girls especially Courtney. If anything, I hope you're around when that time comes because it won't be easy." He chuckles but I can see how jittery he is over this change he wants to make. This must be very difficult for him to do since he's so accustomed with his present arrangements.
His hands are slightly trembling and there is uncertainly and fear in his eyes. Still, Justin changing for me is huge and that makes me realize that he really doesn't want to lose me for whatever reason.
Still, I can't figure him out for the life of me. I want to say he's genuine and he won't relapse into this crazy life he's living but I can only hope and pray for the best. He's capable of just about anything right now with how unstable he is. I think, I think it's going to take for him to one hundred percent lose himself before a proper change can be made and that's what fucking scares me.
Not even Justin knows what he might be capable of once that timer goes off and he explodes like a bomb. I can only hope that if and when that day comes, we'll live through it to pick up the pieces. God, this is too complicated to think about.
Shaking my head rapidly when I realize I haven't given him a response, he simply knits his brows together before sighing tiredly.
The minute I open my mouth to say something, I instantly shut it when his attention is swayed to the person he was calling on his cell.
"Hello? Jacob you there dude?" Walking away from me, Justin lets out a hearty laugh and I know our moment is over. "Aw shit! No way man! That's crazy." He chortles. "Yeah, but listen though. I'm going to need you and Ronnie's help. How soon can you get over to my estate? We have some shit that needs dealing with..."
Pouting slightly, I turn over to my side, wanting to maybe just knock out for a while and forget about my life. Tuning Justin's conversation out, I snake my hands underneath the pillow feeling a cold object underneath. Pulling out the item, I study it intently as my fingers toy with the diamond pendent.
Who would have thought that such a pretty piece of jewelry would hold the key to Justin's past and why he's so fucked up presently? I would have never guessed it, but looking at the chain now, I can't help the few tears that rise to the surface and spill down my cheeks at the memory of when he told me what happened to his father all those years ago.
Right now, if there is anything I'm in desperate need of...it's a miracle. We just...need a miracle to get through what I'm sure is a pending disaster just waiting to happen off the horizon of our not too distant futures.
We need one that will shed light on everything that's going on so more lives aren't lost under Justin's or any other person's hand because they're mixed up in this business and life of danger and deception...