Summary: I hate how much I love you so
But I just can’t let you go
And I hate that I love you so..
And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh
Sad and it’s not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I
Love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain’t right…
(Song by: Rhianna feat Ne-yo – Hate that I Love You)
Contains: Angst, Drama, Romance
~
Part 1
The way he moves…
The way he groves…
Oh that sweet, hypnotic, mellifluous voice.
The way he touches my spirit with his stare, his hips, his thrusts, his hands, his voice – when he’s performing – is electric.
It’s addicting. It’s like, I’m a druggie on crack.
It’s like an overdose.
Yeah, a drug overdose.
I’m so serious.
It’s so intense that sometimes I feel my body convulsing by just looking at him – up on stage, sweat glistening, painting his body with a silky glow.
I can never look away. I can never grasp my thoughts long enough to look away. Away from him, away from what he’s doing to me, to my mind, to my soul, oh god – to my body.
He sets me on fire. Every inch of my body burns for this man, this fine specimen of a man.
And you know the intriguing part in all of this is he knows. He knows the way I lust for him. He, he knows my sinful thoughts. Every time our eyes connect when he’s on stage, he’d smile. It’s a sly smile with a hidden agenda.
It’s a little frustrating actually.
It’s frustrating that he knows he drives me crazy and he keeps doing it.
Every time I gaze into those piercing blues and he catches my stare, he holds it. He holds our eye-lock and works it for everything it’s worth. First, there’s the smile I mentioned, then he’d slowly lift a hand to his head, skillfully passing it over his short brown curls in one swift motion. When he’s done, he’ll lift the same stupid green towel to his face, wiping away the sweat droplets from his neck, eyes, nose and mouth. Sometimes I envy the damn towel, wishing if only for a split second I could trade places with it. Yeah, it’s that bad. What really pisses me off though is when he’d grab his water bottle, taking a few large gulps then pulling the bottle away from his lips so quickly, a few water droplets would linger. And you know what he does that sets me off to the point of no return? He licks his lips. He darts out that pink succulent tongue of his and schemes it over his juicy pink lips, one, two, three times max. Then he’d look at me, biting the corner of his mouth with a sheepish grin on his face.
I hate him.
But I love him still.
It’s a love-hate thing.
I try to get him back occasionally but, but I just can’t.
I’m weak.
He makes me weak.
He has that type of power over me and I can’t shake it for the life of me.
I’ll get him one day making him miss me, craving me and aching for me…I hope.
I have to.
“Ok Justin! That’s it for sound check. You have the rest of the day off until your show tonight so use it wisely and get some rest huh?” His manager states before walking out of the venue.
And we’re left there, alone.
Well, the stage crew is still there, packing up, but no one is paying us any mind.
Standing from my seating position in the front row facing center stage, I scoff.
My legs are just about ready to give way and the moistness in my panties is making it very uncomfortable for me to take my first step in an attempt to walk.
It’s his fault damn it!
Ugh I hate him so much right now!
But, but he’s still looking at me.
In fact, he’s staring. He’s staring at me with inquisitive eyes. I can see a hint of amusement twinkling in those precious blues as he stands from his position in front of the black grand piano.
Rolling my eyes when he smirks at me, I opt to walk away.
Unfortunately, my exit is short lived. It’s never easy to walk away from him.
Him calling out to me in that deep irresistible voice he likes to put on for show, doesn’t make things any easier on my end.
“Where are you going Kristen?” He asks, walking off the stage and towards me with a strut in his step.
Flipping around to glare at him I shrug. “I’m going to get back to work.” I explain even if I know that’s a lie.
How can I concentrate on work when the only thing on my mind right now is sex?
I so hate him right now. I really do. I swear I do. You have to believe me.
But, but he’s so cute when he frowns. He has this unsure look on his face, like he’s trying to decide whether to believe me or not.
“What work could you possibly have to do? I didn’t request anything of you.” Justin replies smartly.
Oh how I wish if just once, he’d request me to fuck his brains out. I know I’m being blunt, but I don’t care. My hormones are on overdrive and the longer I remain facing him in all his sexy glory, the harder it will be for me to contain myself. I have to remain calm. Deep, long breaths…
“I don’t work for only you Justin. Mr. Wright asked me to complete some paper work earlier. So, I’m going to get that done since you are free to do what you wish for the rest of the day.” I voice, folding my arms over my white blouse while tapping my black heels lightly on the tiled floor.
Rubbing the back of his neck in thought, Justin releases a low chuckle before he connects to my brown orbs. “I sign your paychecks Kristen, so I’m telling you now; you don’t have time to do Johnny’s work. Besides, I’ll be needing my assistant for the rest of the day.” He curtly states.
Scowling, I huff unappreciatively at his tone. He’s what you call a spoilt celebrity who always has to have his way. It can really be annoying to a point where I want to strangle him sometimes. “You can be such an asshole.” I snap at the mouth, not caring about the shocked expression on his smooth face.
“Hold up. Did you just call me an asshole? Because that’s rich.” Justin chortles in disbelief.
“And what if I did?” I retort, knowing damn well my rudeness might cost me my job. But you know what? It doesn’t really matter anymore. Fuck it. I’m horny, I’m flushed and I want to jump my employer. Maybe I do need to get fired today.
“Ok Kristen, this isn’t like you at all. Are you trying to get fired?” Justin inquires, now serious and clearly offended with my statement.
“No…” I sigh with defeat. Well it’s partly true. “But, you’re a little too demanding and I’m being pulled in a million directions. I just need some time to recuperate before I pass out. I thought I’d have the day off since you had the day off but I guess I was wrong.” I explain begrudgingly. Why did I take this job again? Oh yes, because of the amazing pay and the opportunity to visit different and wonderful places. I’m so stupid.
“So you want some time off? That’s why you’re being all bitchy with me?” He enquires, rubbing at his chin.
“Yes?” I lie. Are you serious? I’m being bitchy because you got me all hot and bothered without doing anything really and you’re not going to fix it because you’re completely oblivious to that fact!
“Well that’s no way to get what you want Kristen. I might have to teach you a thing or two about communication.” Justin boldly voices. Yeah right buddy.
“Can I leave now?” I ask, losing interest in him and this entire conversation. I just need a cold shower badly.
“No. I want to have a word with you in private.” He responds as his attractive smile graces his features once again.
Glancing around at our surroundings, I smirk. This is very private already. We really are the only ones left now. Everyone is gone and it’s just the two of us in this big performing hall. “What is it?” He should just spit it out.
“No, meet me in my suite in an hour. I’ll talk to you then. In the mean time, you should maybe eat something. You look flushed.” He states, before giving me a wink and turning to walk away, leaving me completely baffled.
Oh my god, Justin just made me blush.
I didn’t think it was possible but…
What the hell just happened?
Am I missing something here?
Shrugging off his weird behavior, I decide to go off in search of some nourishment as he suggested, wondering why I even need to go to his suite for us to talk.
What’s wrong with right here? What’s wrong with the tour bus, or his dressing room, or any room on this compound as a matter of fact? All he has to do is ask the occupants to leave.
Well whatever it is, I’m guessing I’ll find out in an hour’s time…
****
An hour and a half later…
Glancing down at my white blouse and knee length black skirt I groan. I hate this stupid uniform. Yes, you heard me. Justin insisted that some of his employees wore uniforms. That asshole. He said it made us look more professional and dignified. I know for a fact he didn’t care for shit how we looked. He just wanted a reason to abuse his authority. He tends to do that a lot. Not to mention that he purposely chose the style of skirt that sticks to you like a second skin. He even told me himself it gave him a good defined view of my ass. Yeah, he’s a pervert. And an asshole. I should hate him for this. I really should, but I still love him.
I’ve loved him for some time now. It’s sick and I’m crazy. At first, I thought it was another emotion misinterpreted as love, but then we kissed – I knew from that moment I was most certainly in love with him. The very first time we kissed was on his tour bus. We were the only ones on at the time, gathering our luggage to check into one of the many hotels we stay at while on tour and he just walked up to me, dropped my bag on the floor and kissed me. I know it sounds weird and I nearly slapped him afterwards, but then he smiled that cute, irresistible smile and admitted that he’d wanted to do it for a long time and just couldn’t take it anymore.
Sadly, that was as far as it went. But, that was when I realized I really had deep feelings for him. Feelings I could never express verbally. I just can’t do it. I’m afraid to get my heart broken and being in love with Justin Timberlake is asking for just that. Maybe one day, if he ever changed, I might tell him. I doubt that day with ever come though. I should hate him for making me fall in love with him and not even knowing he did it. But, I hate myself for ever being so weak in the first place.
So, I’m standing in front of his suite now and I’m seriously thinking about turning around and leaving. I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to knock on that door. I think, I think I know why he wanted to see me privately. It’s the same shit he pulls with whatever girl he plans on fucking for the night. He asks her to meet him in his suite. I’m not just another girl to fuck damn it. I wish, no, I need it to be much more than that. But seriously, I’m not stupid. Why do we have to ‘talk’ in his suite of all places? Yeah, I know what’s on his mind alright. And I’d be all up for getting laid by Justin like I’ve always wanted, but suddenly now, I’m not so sure anymore.
Unfortunately for me, I took too long to make a decision. I’m saying this because before I can even fully turn around, his door swings open and he calls out to me in a guttural voice like I’ve done him something so terrible.
“Kristen, where the fuck are you going?” Justin spits out harshly before grabbing my hand and yanking me into his suite.
Not having time to process what’s happening, he shoves me against a nearby wall and slams the door shut, locking it in the process.
Um, ok…
He turns around to face me and my back remains glued to the wall as I’m thinking what the fuck is his issue?
“Where you going to leave just now?” Justin inquires walking up to me.
“Well I…”
“Because I’ve been waiting well over an hour for you, and you looked like you were going to leave without saying anything.” He quickly adds, now standing just mere inches away from my face.
Leaning forward to sniff him, I cringe.
“Were you drinking?” I ask a bit stunned. Justin never drinks. Well, he drinks, but not like this. Not in the middle of the day for no reason. Not when he knows he has a big show later.
“Nothing gets by you huh?” He slurs while rolling his eyes at me but never budging from his spot.
“What the hell Justin?” I snap, clearly annoyed by his rude and aggressive behavior.
“When were you going to tell me? Where you even going to tell me at all?” He belts, switching topics and I’m just standing there, still against the wall, thinking how crazy he is. He needs psychiatric help.
“Tell you what?” I have no idea what he’s talking about now.
“That you were quitting your job Kristen.” He says in a pained voice.
And my eyes just grew wide with shock. Oh no. I, I didn’t want him to find out. Not until I was long gone.
“Ah, there we go. Now that shocked expression on your face says it all. Shit Kristen. You were just going to leave without telling me?” Justin whines, passing his hands over his face in frustration before locking eyes with me again. Shit, his eyes are so red and glossy. How much did he drink anyway?
“Justin I…”
“I was just going to wake up one morning and realize you’re gone never to return? Why Kristen? Why are you quitting?” He pleads, walking up to me and caressing the sides of my cheek.
Blinking slowly I fight back my tears as I turn away from him. He has no clue. He really doesn’t know. He doesn’t know how I feel about him, how I’ve longed for him to see me as more than just his assistant. He doesn’t know how every time he has a new girlfriend displaying for the public, or every time he brings some unnamed woman back to his suite to fuck, a piece of my heart breaks every fucking time. He just doesn’t get it does he? That’s why I hate him so much. That’s why I can’t be around him anymore. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be his assistant anymore. I just want to be as far away from him as possible. I can’t deal with my feelings for Justin anymore. It’s fucking up my head, my work and my life.
“Is this what you wanted to speak to me about?” I ask incredulously, burning him with my stare.
“Why Kristen?” He enquires again, ignoring my question.
“I’m leaving.” I state, pushing him out of the way but he shoves me back into the wall roughly.
“Why! Answer me Kristen! Why the fuck are you quitting? Did I do something wrong?” Justin belts, swaying a bit, his eyes narrowing at me, his breathing labored.
He’s drunk. Or at least he’s getting there. I can’t deal with him in this state.
“Ask me when you’re sober.” I snap, trying to move away but he suddenly pins me with his body, resting both of his hands firmly on the wall on either side of my head.
Lowering his voice he keeps a sharp, firm tone, pronouncing every syllable slowly with venomous force. “Is it because I don’t give you the attention you want Kristen? Huh? Is it because I haven’t fucked you like you’ve wanted me to do for a long time?” Justin hisses, his hot breath on the side of my face. Leaning in until our noses touch, he bends his head to the side to whisper in my ears. “Because I’m willing to fix that right now.” He suggests causing me to swallow hard. That fucking inconsiderate asshole! I should slap him for being so disrespectful to me. But I’m not going to. I’m going to be the bigger person and at least attempt to walk away. This is going to be damn near impossible.
“Justin I should leave. We’ll discuss this when you’re sober.” I explain but he quickly shakes his head no.
“I’m not done with you yet.” He smiles, looking right at me as I continue to glare at him clearly pissed by his behavior.
Not really caring that I’m obviously angry with him, Justin does the unthinkable.
He leans down and instantly presses his lips firmly against mine.
I think it’s safe to say I just saw stars, because that’s how enraged I am right now. I can literally feel my pressure rising.
Gripping the red t-shirt he’s wearing, I forcefully push at his chest trying to break the lip-lock we’re in, but instead he just deepens it, snaking his tongue out and invading my insides. Gasping in shock, the noises I’m making are muffled as I desperately try to push Justin off me. Oh my god, he’s lost his damn mind.
Finally gaining enough strength, I jack him off and stumble forward, trying to catch my breath.
“You…you asshole.” I choke out, sucking in air. Lifting my head to gaze at him, I note the satisfied expression on his face as he licks his swollen lips.
“You loved it.” He retorts.
“Wrong Justin. I hated it. Almost as much as I hate you!” I scream, covering my mouth when I realize what just slipped out. That was obviously a lie, but there’s no need to feed his ego.
Now he’s just staring at me. He doesn’t seem fazed at all. In fact, he’s smirking.
Now…now he’s smiling with a simple shrug of his shoulder, dismissing my statement, blinking slowly.
“You don’t hate me.” He replies in an uncertain tone. “I mean…”
“You’re so full of yourself.” I cut him off, walking towards the door but he stops me.
“Kristen, what the fuck do you want from me?” He asks, raising his hands in defeat.
Turning to look at him thoughtfully, I think long and hard about my answer. I’m going to be leaving in two days and I won’t change my mind. I need to do this for me. I need to move on with my life, with a different career. Maybe, just maybe I can end these years we’ve spent together as celebrity and assistant on a good note.
Sighing, I decide to voice my thoughts, hoping I don’t get a slap in the face for doing so. I’m going to do a complete 180 here, simply because… “I, I don’t really want anything from you Justin. I used to want so much, but, but now…All I really want is for you to…” Walking up to him, I dismiss our previous incident and decide to finally go for it. I’ll be gone soon so why not right?
Ok, I know I’m crazy but I can’t really help it. “Fuck me.” I blurt out.
“Wh…what?” Justin chokes out, coughing loudly as his eyes open wide in disbelief.
“Just fuck me.” I reply coldly, not really caring anymore.
“Are you fucking serious right now? How can you just out and say it like that?” he asks incredulously while rubbing at his chest to clear his air ways.
He’s stunned – completely dumfounded.
“Because you asked me. So I’m telling you. I want you to fuck me, hard and rough Justin.” I say with a straight face.
“Holy shit Kristen. What the hell is wrong with you? Are you on crack?” he enquires while chortling a bit. Of course he’s not taking me seriously. He never does unless it’s work related. Stupid fuck.
“No, but you’re intoxicated.” I retort.
“Oh bite me. You know what. Why don’t you go ahead and leave. Just, just fucking go. I don’t need you. It will be good with you gone. You won’t cock block anymore. So, so just leave!” He states haphazardly with his hands flailing.
Shaking my head sadly, I turn to leave.
“Gladly.” I voice, heading straight for his door.
However, before I can open it to walk outside, Justin corners me again. This time, he flips me around, gazing into my eyes for a split second before he crashes his lips onto mine. I guess he’s not the only one who’s turned on by the sexual tension radiating in this room. Thank goodness…
It takes me all of ten seconds before I respond to his feverish kisses.
In all truth, I know this is wrong and we shouldn’t be engaging in this but, I don’t care about that anymore.
I just want to feel him on me and inside me, filling me completely.
That’s all I really want.
~
Part 2
Passing my hands over the back of his neck, he pulls me against his chest, shoving me into the wall next to his king size bed. Inhaling his musky scent I sigh. At the rate we’re going, I highly doubt we’ll even reach the damn bed. Not that I’m complaining.
Sucking on the bottom of my lips hungrily, Justin hoists up my tight skirt until it’s high up, riding my thighs. Using one of his hands to hold my chin in place as we continue to tongue battle, he takes his other free hand to lift my leg, wrapping it around his slender waist. Moaning into the kiss, I pass my hands over his head of hair, down his face and across his firm chest heading straight for the hem of his t-shirt. Finally breaking our lip-lock with both of us breathing hard, faces flushed, heartbeats increasing at a steady rate, I lift his shirt up and over his head in one swift motion, tossing it uncaringly unto the floor. Kicking off his shoes, I take the opportunity to toss mines to the side as well.
Staring at me for a brief moment, Justin abruptly stops moving, gazing deep into my eyes, his face contorting into a light frown as he licks his swollen pink lips. “What the fuck are we doing Kristen?” He asks, his breath hot on my face as his hands softly knead my thigh.
“I think you know.” I reply curtly only causing his frown to expand.
“But…”
“Now you want to grow a conscience?” I snap, causing Justin to shake his head.
“No, it’s not that it’s just, this might be one of the last times we’re together and I see you. I still can’t believe you’re leaving.” He replies dejectedly, his vision now cast sideways.
I really don’t need to hear this shit right now. My heart is already breaking by that fact. I don’t need him reminding me. “Then let’s make it count.” I simply state, pulling him to face me before I crash our lips together again.
I can already feel my hormones going crazy as my entire body begins to increase in temperature rapidly.
I love the way he touches and kisses me. It’s so addicting.
Sighing into the kiss he begins to put those big masculine hands to work, unbuttoning my blouse and pushing it off my body easily. Pulling away from me, a small smile plays on his face before he moves to my neck, kissing and licking his way around as his hands divert to my back unclasping my bra and pulling it completely off my body. Well, he doesn’t waste any time getting me undressed that’s for sure, but I’m enjoying this. Smiling to myself, I wrap my arms around his bare back, skimming them over his hot flesh as he continues attacking my neck with his hot kisses, slicking his hand through my hair in the process.
Letting out a deep groan, Justin pulls away from me, his eyes fixated on my round breasts as he licks his lips. Locking eyes with me briefly, he bends his body forward, cupping one of my breasts in his hand, massaging and flicking my nipples with his fingertips until they’re hard and poking out. Leaning down, he slowly takes my other breast into his mouth, slicking his tongue out and sucking hungrily on my nipple.
My breath hitches in my throat as my head softly hits the wall and my eyes roll to the back of my head. “Oh my god.” I breathe out, already on a dangerous high with what he’s doing to me. His other hand is still kneading my mound softly, my center on fire, dripping – soaking my panties.
Pressing his lower half against my thigh, I smile when I feel his erection hard and straining against his jeans. Pushing back against the wall, my hands drop to his waist, unbuckling his belt, jeans and pulling down his zipper. Stopping what he’s doing briefly, Justin moves away from me, pushing down his jeans and boxers in one motion, stepping out of them and kicking them to the side.
My eyes remain completely glued to his muscular build – broad shoulders, toned abs, slender waist, slim thighs and his thick, long, pulsing erection – standing at attention, dripping with pre cum, pink at the tip and fully ready for me.
Completely mesmerized by the sight of his naked form, I take in a deep breath, moving forward to take his shaft in my hand. He’s just standing there eyeing me interestingly. It’s my first time seeing him like this, so I’m storing every curve and feature permanently in my long-term memory. Sucking in a breath, I notice how his eyes darken immensely as he’s overcome with a mixture of lust and bliss from what I’m doing to him. Slowly moving my hands up and down on his length, Justin’s body tenses under my hold, his eyes cutting through me like knives.
“Kristen…” He chokes out, his voice horse and cracking as he fights to suppress his moans.
“Hmm?” I reply, about to drop to my knees, desperately wanting to take him in my mouth, tasting him, making him go crazy with my kisses until I drive him over the edge.
But he stops me – his eyes wide as his body begins to shine from light sweat building in his system. “Don’t.” He warns and I pout, straightening my posture.
“But…”
“No, don’t.” He reiterates, closing the gap between us as he works on unpinning my skirt. “Not like this, I want to be inside of you.” He mutters – his words soft and fading. Nodding, I know what he’s saying. He wants to feel me for the first time through complete penetration. I guess I can live with that.
In a few seconds flat, he has me completely naked and ready for him, helping me to pull off my skirt and laced underwear. Reversing slowly, he takes in my nakedness, his eyes roaming and examining every inch of my body with a satisfied look on his face.
Then he sighs…
It’s a deeply rooted sigh.
And for some reason, I’m starting to think that this is a big deal for him.
This isn’t just sex to him.
It’s something more.
I, I can see it on his face and in his eyes as he looks up at me in full adoration.
“Justin…”
He’s acting so weird all of a sudden.
“Shh…” He silences me by placing his finger to his lips.
Walking up to me, he smiles amiably, pressing our bodies together – skin to skin, as I feel every rigid, hard curve of his physic – his member rock solid and pulsing against my thigh.
Swallowing hard, his hands begin to roam over my shape, squeezing here and there along the way. I’m speechless, frozen in place, completely hypnotized by his movements and the somber yet blissful look in his eyes. His hands continue moving down south, and my breath catches in my throat, craving, longing for him to touch me where I need it most.
The moment his fingers graze over my most sensitive part, my body twitches, shaking slightly with excitement and anticipation. Leaning forward, he parts my legs slightly, pressing his lips to my ears as he whispers soft, slow and crisply… “You’re so beautiful Kristen. I’m so sorry for how I’ve treated you. I guess I was hurting that you’d up and quit without telling me, but I’m not angry…not anymore.” He states, kissing my earlobe before his fingertips graze my center, flicking my clit and parting my folds.
Not able to find my voice to reply, I grab unto his shoulder, leaning against the wall for support as he begins applying pressure to my clit, rubbing, pinching and twisting his fingers around.
I know I shouldn’t get caught up in this. It’s only going to happen this one time. In less than two days I’ll be gone and he’ll eventually replace me, forgetting all about me. But I can’t fight my heart. I can’t fight the way I feel and it hurts. It’s literally ripping my insides apart and I can’t help but feel the tears rushing to the surface. I won’t cry though. I won’t give him that privilege.
“Oh god…” I cry out, my eyes rolling to the back of my head again when Justin swiftly inserts two of his fingers into my depth, pushing in and pulling out slowly before he sets a steady pace, fucking me with his hands.
I’m lost…
…Completely under his power and spell he’s cast over my body.
I can’t even think straight anymore. All I can do is feel, relishing in what he’s doing to me. My hips instinctively begin to match his rhythm, grinding into his hands to take more of him, imagining that it’s his dick inside of me instead of his fingers.
I want him so bad right now…
“You’re so wet baby…” He coos, still fucking me skillfully with his two fingers, sliding in and out of my slickness.
I can feel my insides burning for a release, my orgasm slowly building. Breathing hard, my walls begin to clench around him as my knees weaken with each movement he makes. Slowing down his speed, he finally pulls his fingers out, licking them clean before he gives me a cocky grin.
Smiling weakly for him, he closes the tiny gap between us, lifting one of my legs securely around his waist, before he lifts the other, pressing my back against the wall for leverage as he positions himself at my center.
Oh god, this is…unbelievable….I can’t even contain myself right now.
My heart is beating out of my chest and my mind is spinning, dizzy and clouded with lust.
Feeling his dick pressed at my entrance, pulsing and ready to push inside of me drives me over the edge.
Grabbing Justin’s face in my hands, I kiss him hard, rough and with all my built up passion and frustration. Gripping my waist tightly, he lets out a deep growl before he pulls me down on him, pushing in, invading my insides, stretching my walls as he fills my tight space. Gasping, I hold my breath, still kissing him as he enters me, slowly sliding all the way in and just remaining there for a few seconds before he begins to move.
Locking my legs around Justin’s waist, I finally break the kiss, not able to stifle my moans any longer. “Oh god…” I pant out, as Justin sets his pace, slow and steady, filling me and instantly hitting my spot with each thrust. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I watch as his brows furrow in concentration with his breathing labored as he bites his bottom lip softly. I’ve always thought that was sexy.
“Fuck…” he hisses, picking up speed as he continues to move inside of me, thrusting in and out, shoving, forcing his length all the way in and causing me to scream out in pleasure. “Shit Kristen…” he mumbles, speeding up with each thrust until he’s practically slamming into me, pounding, fucking me so skillfully, so effortlessly.
Passing my hands through his hair, I shut my eyes tightly as waves of pleasure rush through my body. I can feel him buried deep inside, pulsing, throbbing as he continues to move in and out with quick, powerful thrusts – my back grazing up and down the wall. I know that’s going to leave a burn later, but I don’t care now.
“Uh yes Justin…fuck me…Mmm…” I moan, licking my lips as my body heat continues to increase, my orgasm once again building.
“You like that huh?” He pants, now completely out of control as he pounds into me violently, the sound of our bodies slapping together and our hard breathing echoing through the silent room.
“Uh god yes!” I yell, twitching under his hold as his hands dig into my side, his form completely drenched, painting my body in his sweat as we continue to rub against each other.
“Shit…” Justin chokes out, holding my waist tightly, digging his fingers into my flesh as he pins me against the wall, thrusting – pushing in and pulling out – his hips moving in a slightly circular pattern, hitting my spot, fueling my orgasm.
I’m completely subdued right now, lost in this blissful rapture as my hips move with his, matching his rhythm and mighty thrusts as we get lost in each other. Lifting his head to look at me, he kisses my forehead then lips before he buries his head in my neck, inhaling my scent, his knees slightly bent as his body shivers against mine. He’s close to the edge, I just know it.
Arching my back off the wall, Justin growls, wrapping his arms around my back pulling me down – causing him to go deeper. And I cry out as I feel my walls constricting around his shaft, my breath caught in my throat when I feel the tingling sensations of my orgasm slowly reaching the surface, ready to explode. Biting my shoulder lightly, Justin writhes beneath me when my walls continue to milk him, setting us on a pleasure overload.
And suddenly, like a violent eruption, I feel my entire body jerk forward as my vision becomes blurry when I feel wave after wave of pleasure wash over me as I reach my peak. Crying out Justin’s name, my body beings to convulse as my orgasm rips through me, pushing Justin over the edge.
“Sweet mother of god…” Justin breathes out, his thrusts quick and harsh as he tightens his hold on me, fusing my chest to his. Letting out an “Oh god…” He shudders slightly before his body begins to jerk violently, pushing us off the wall – as he continues to pound recklessly into me until he finally lets go, shooting his warm, thick liquid – coating my walls with his juices.
Holding unto him for dear life, I nuzzle into his neck, too spent to say a word as we both come down from our high. He’s still breathing hard, nose resting against my shoulder, legs slightly trembling as he keeps me wrapped around his waist, still buried deep inside.
And he’s just standing there, with me attached to him in the middle of his suite, naked, vulnerable and breathless.
“jesus christ Kristen…” He whispers in amazement, lifting his head to lock eyes with me. Caressing the side of his cheek with my palm, I smile warmly at him… “You’re fucking amazing.” He says in a soft tone, kissing my lips delicately while moving some damp hair from my face and I feel like crying again.
I love him. Oh god I love him.
If I was unsure before, what just happened justifies that I indeed love this man.
But I hate him so much. I hate him because I can’t ever stay angry at him no matter what shit he puts me through. It just isn’t fair. And he doesn’t even know it.
“I’m afraid to even move or walk right now. I’m so fucking weak, I’d just fall with you if I tried.” He jokes, chuckling lightly and I giggle at him even though I can feel my heart breaking. Kissing his nose I smile.
“You’re right next to the bed. Just fall back.” I suggest and his eyes open with excitement. He’s so goofy.
“I am?” he asks, straining his neck to look behind. “Oh I am!” he says matter-of-factly before he moves back a little, sitting on the edge of the bed with me. “Sweet” He voices, looking into my eyes for some reason or other. “Are you ok?” He finally asks me, that famous line guys like to ask, wondering if they’ve hurt their partner or crippled them. Well, I’m not fine, but only because I know this was my way of saying goodbye and letting him go. Fucked up I know, but it’s not like we ever had a future together.
“I’m fine Justin. Hey, um you think maybe we could…move?” I query causing him to give me a questionable glare as he remains still buried inside of me growing limp.
“What’s wrong Kristen?” Justin asks, skimming my back as I straddle his waist.
“Nothing” I snap, pushing off him and whimpering slightly as he slides out of me.
Standing to my feet, I begin gathering my belongings, slipping on my underwear and pinning my bra.
Justin remains seated, just watching my movements as I quickly dress myself. Finally zipping my skirt up, I smooth out my ruffled blouse with my hand, tucking half of it in my waist before he finally stands to slip on his boxers.
Looking around for my heels, I find them under the table and quickly slip them on, before he approaches me with curiosity in his eyes. “Ok what the hell is wrong with you and where are you going?” he inquires, grabbing my hand to stop me when I try to move away from him.
“Back to my suite.” I reply dryly, trying to get out of his tight grip.
“What? But we just…why don’t you stay?” he sighs, letting me go.
Creating some space between us, I can feel all my rational thoughts finally coming back to the surface. My mind isn’t clouded over anymore and I just want to leave. I just want this torture to end before I breakdown right here in front of him.
“No I should go.”
“So you’re just going to fuck me and leave?” he states offensively and I’d laugh at how feminine that sounds but I can’t.
I’m in pain and I need out. Maybe we shouldn’t have done what we did, but it’s too late now.
I was clearly in another world when we were making love – fucking, whatever. I’m not even sure we can call it making love.
“It was just sex Justin. It’s not that big of a deal.” I say lowly, watching as his eyes narrow – filled with apathy.
“What? Are you fucking kidding me right now Kristen? I don’t even want to hear this bullshit…” he rants, slightly raising his voice as his anger builds.
“Are you still drunk?” I enquire.
“What the fuck do you think? No…ok? A little buzzed but I’m good. I sweated most of it out.” He says with a cheesy grin and I roll my eyes.
“Goodbye Justin.” I say with a hint of finality in my voice as I turn and walk towards the door.
I think he picked up on my tone because he’s rushing to the door, grabbing me and turning me around to face him before I can get the damn thing open to leave.
“Kristen….” He’s searching my eyes now, looking for some answer or explanation I’m not ready to give. “Don’t leave.”
“Are you talking about now, or quitting my job?”
“Both. I don’t want you to go. I’ll, I’ll miss you too much. Why did you do it?”
“Look it’s already done. No sense in dwelling on it.”
“But why did you do it?” He probes.
Scoffing, I fold my arms over my chest protectively; feeling like my heart is ready to explode inside my ribcage. “Why do you care if I stay or not?” I question him, needing to know his answer.
Now smiling, Justin grabs my hand in his. “Because, I’ll miss you too much and who am I going to have to boss around?” He jokes.
Suddenly turning serious, he bends his head down skimming the back of my hand with his thumb. “Plus, I need you here with me to keep me in check.” Looking up to gaze into my eyes, he takes in a breath before he says his next statement. “I have feelings for you Kristen. I’m not sure if you know, but I do. I care about you. I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you walking out of my life before….”
“Do you love me?” I cut him off, watching as his defenses go up.
“Wh…what?” he stutters.
“Do you love me?” I ask again, watching him tumble over his words, not knowing how to answer my question. “Yes or no Justin.” I enforce and he frowns at me.
“That’s not fair Kristen. I just admitted to having deep feelings for you and…”
“But you don’t love me.” I cut him off again. “And that’s why I need to leave Justin. Because I love you and it hurts.” I point to my chest for emphasis. “It hurts every time I’m with you because I know you don’t feel the same way. It hurts every time I see you with your new girlfriend or when you talk with Trace and your other friends about whatever girl you slept with. It hurts because I know with your current lifestyle, we’d never work. I’d get my heart broken. It hurts because no matter how hard I try, it just gets worse, with each cute witty comment you make or the way you smile or joke with me. Even when you boss me around. It just keeps building and it’s to a point where I can’t be around you anymore. I can’t be in love with you Justin. Don’t you see? It’s like forbidden or something. And more importantly, I hate myself for being so weak and I hate, that I love you. Because it hurts!” I belt, now in tears, not caring anymore that I’m sobbing in front of him.
And he’s just standing, speechless, shock written all over his face as he drops my hand and backs away, shaking his head, silently protesting in disbelief, not able to fathom or digest what I’ve just said.
“Say something!” I cry out even harder, hating the silent treatment he’s now giving me. God I hate when he looks as me like that, so confused, so lost. There’s pain in his eyes as they gloss over. He’s blinking slowly, taking deep breaths, calming his nerves.
“I…I can’t.” Justin chokes up, too baffled to even think of a proper response to give me.
I knew this would happen; I knew this was a bad idea.
I’m so stupid.
I need to get out of here.
Sucking up my cries, I stand up straight, swinging the door to his suite open.
I’m wishing he’d stop me, beg me not to leave, telling me he’s in love with me too, but I know that will never happen because he doesn’t love me.
It’s plain and simple.
Justin doesn’t love me and I’m not sticking around to find out otherwise.
I knew I’d get my heart broken.
Love sucks.
I hate love…if that’s even possible.
Turning to look at Justin, he’s just standing there in his boxers, chest heaving as his eyes cloud over with unshed tears.
Why is he even upset? I’m the one who just poured my heart and soul out to him and he said and did absolutely nothing!
Shaking my head sadly, I wrap my arms around myself, trying to regain my composure. “Goodbye Justin.” I say this time – my final statement before I walk out, slamming his door shut – his sorrowful blues already haunting my memory.
Whimpering, I can still feel the tears rapidly flowing down my cheeks as I hear his muffled sobs from behind the door.
Suddenly, I’m not so sure he doesn’t love me. If he didn’t he wouldn’t be this torn up. Or am I fooling myself? Why is he even broken up by this? I don’t understand it, but I’m not sticking around to find out.
I’m packing my bag and getting the hell out of there…
This is killing me inside but it’s what’s best.
As I make my way back to my suite, ready to pack my bags and head on the next flight out of here, I remember that he has a show to do later tonight.
I want to stay I really do but I can’t.
Oh god, I hope it turns out well. This is the first show of his I’m going to miss since I’ve started this job with him over five years ago.
He’s always been so amazing on stage….
*** With The way he moves…
The way he groves…
Oh that sweet, hypnotic, mellifluous voice.
The way he touches my spirit with his stare, his hips, his thrusts, his hands, his voice – when he’s performing – is electric. ***
I’m going to miss seeing him perform….
I’m going to miss everything about him….
And I wonder why I love him sometimes.
But it’s so obvious…
I love him simply because…
But there’s no turning back now….only moving forward…
Then I hear him yelling, calling out to me and I whip around as he’s running, trying to catch up to me – flipping my reality and taking it for a spin…
*The End*
