Summary: He’s haunted by something that isn’t real, but isn’t false either. It’s almost like fate is playing a terrible trick on him, creating an illusion he can’t get out of. And it only takes one single action on his part to change the entire course of his life forever…
Contains: Alternate Universe, Angst, Fantasy, Supernatural, Suspense
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“The best thing about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between asleep and awake, when you don’t know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened.” – Unknown
There he goes again.
He’s looking at her, pleading with her, begging her not to go in his stare. His eyes are narrowed, glassy and expelling so many emotions that it’s hard for her to look directly into those soulful blues. She can’t look into them because every time she does, she sees it. She sees that emotion that keeps her under his spell. He’s not shy with showing her how much he cares, how much he loves her and it’s scary. It’s scary because she feels the same way but she knows that they shouldn’t be doing this.
He always does this, every single time without fail and she always gives in.
But not this time. This time she’s stronger and she’s not going to let him win. She’s not going to let him break her down like he has so many times in the past.
He knows there is only so long he’ll get away with this. He knows what he’s doing is wrong but he can’t help it. He…he can’t get her out of his system. He’s tried. Shit, he went without seeing her for almost six months, but then Trace said her name. All his best friend did was voice her name and he caved. He completely broke down, pleading with her to take him back and that he was sorry. He begged her to let him see her again. He begged and begged until she became visible to him again, until he could see her face to face again. He got to her then, like he knows he’s getting to her now, but he’s not sure how long that’s going to last.
He’s not sure how long he can bullshit his way through this lie that they’re living anymore.
It’s weighing him down. It’s weighing her down.
When he first decided to go along with this, he knew, he knew it was wrong and unhealthy, but he didn’t care.
Now it’s destroying the both of them and he knows that even if she may be strong enough now to walk away, she won’t.
He’s the one who has to end this but he can’t. He can’t because every time he musters up the courage, all he has to do is look at her beautiful angelic face, light brown eyes and full lips and he caves. He completely surrenders to her, every time.
Now isn’t any different.
He’s doing it again…
He’s standing there, patiently, looking directly at her, anticipating the moment she decides to walk up to him and continue what they’ve started all those years ago.
She’s just standing there, wearing a long red lacy dress that he loves on her because it hugs her in all the right places. She’s aware of his intense glare, because she’s facing him, but she’s not making any eye contact. She can’t.
She could stop this right now. All she has to do is turn around and walk right out of those doors and his life. But, she can’t and she won’t.
Just the sight of him, standing there so casually, so relaxed dressed in a simple blue buttoned down shirt and pants is enough to do her in. And it does.
Against her will, she finds herself walking, moving in his direction until she’s standing face to face with him since he got up to greet her.
They eye each other for a moment, both of them hesitant for any skin to skin contact because they know how dangerous that can be.
Then his lips curve into a light smile and she sighs.
And just like that, they’re back to their old ways…
So much for bringing this to an end…
“You look…beautiful girl.” He smiles, his usual greeting whenever he sees her.
“You’re not half bad yourself.” She gives him her usual response.
He ushers her to take a seat, then slides in next to her.
The silence takes over like it usually does, but today is different.
Today she breaks the silence…after keeping their regular routine for years, she changes it.
“We can’t keep doing this.” She voices and he sighs audibly, a light frown adorning his features.
“Tell me something I don’t know.” He retorts.
“You love me too much and you need to let me go.” She admits and he just glowers at her.
“You’re saying that you’re any better?”
“No.” She relents, bowing her head in shame.
“What is this? You never speak like this when we’re here.” He voices, now concerned with where this conversation is going.
“It’s time for a change.” She points out, crossing her legs and pursing her lips.
Narrowing his eyes at her he scowls before scratching at his growing stubble. “I see.”
“This isn’t going anywhere and you know it!” Her voice is strained, slightly stressed but still stern.
“I thought it was. I thought we were going to…” But he drifts, because he knows, he knows she’s right. They’ll keep doing this until they come undone and he can’t allow that to happen.
Passing his palms over his face, he groans, the fate of their relationship hanging in the air. He wished things were different. He wished they could make it better…fix it. But he can’t voice that because he’s not so sure that she wants that. Also, the factor that this is absolutely impossible to fix looms over his thoughts causing his heart to skip a beat.
“I want to fix this.” She begins practically reading his mind. He snaps his head up, quiet, waiting for her to continue. “But we can only fix this if we go our separate ways. There is no other way. You know any other way is unfixable and impossible.”
“I…I know.” He spits out dejectedly, dreading the inevitable. “You…you’re right.”
“So I guess this is goodbye then.” She sighs, standing and straightening her posture, determined to leave here looking strong and with whatever dignity she has left.
Looking up at her, panic surges through his system. He doesn’t want her to go. He’s not ready to let her go. He doesn’t want her to walk out of his life. It’s…it’s too soon, he’s not ready. Truth is, he’ll never be ready but it’s really happening and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. He stands along with her, fighting back his tears, not wanting to show any weakness, but the fear that this is the last time he’ll see her face plagues him, eating him alive.
“I…” He chokes out, not knowing what he really wants to say. “I…love you. Don’t do this.” He pleads.
“You always do this…I’m ending it.” She says with a bit of attitude, her words stinging him right in his chest as his breathing deepens.
Sucking up his composure, he nods his head as a few stray tears roll down his cheeks. “So no more us?”
“No more us.” She concludes with glossy eyes. “You knew this was coming. There hasn’t been an ‘us’ for a long time now. We couldn’t keep this up; I couldn’t keep taking you back. You have to let me go. It’s for your own good. I love you I do. But it’s time to let go of this illusion you’ve created. It’s what’s best. ” She sighs, looking away from him and turning around to leave.
Before she can take a step in the opposite direction his voice breaks through her thoughts.
“But I don’t want to. It’s too hard facing reality without you.” He cries out desperately, hoping that by some twist of fate she’ll see how this is killing him, how he’ll die without her, without any part of her to hold on to.
“Your reality is a dream, an illusion and that’s why we always end up here. You’re destroying yourself and I won’t stand for it anymore. I love you too much to put up with this. I’m sorry. I’m not coming back and you can’t get away with this anymore. I won’t let you. Take my advice…wake up.” She snaps and with that said, she’s gone, walking right out of his life and there’s nothing he can do to stop her, to keep her from leaving…again.
Sighing, he sits back down in his seat, silently, void of any real emotions. His world is caving in and he feels like he’s suffocating but he just sits there, his face expressionless and his heart aching. He wants to run after her but he can’t. He can’t because his legs won’t let him. It’s like he has no control over his own body. So he just continues to sit.
Then, he stares straight ahead of him at the scene that always unfolds without fail. This is where they always come back to. It’s like that one moment in their life keeps recurring like a scratched CD on repeat. Usually, they share this time together knowing it’s wrong but they can’t help it. Still he could withstand it with her at his side. Now, now he’s going to have to relive this on his own because she’s not here anymore and after all these years, she’s never coming back.
He’s going to have to sit at the back of that church alone, watching the happy couple walk down the isle hand in hand and all smiles as the congregation stands and cheers them on. He just looks on as they near the back, their expressions carefree and their laughter echoing throughout the church from their union of becoming husband and wife.
He’s a ghost to it all, invisible as he looks on from afar. Just when he thinks they’re unaware of his presence, they’d turn their heads in his direction, every single time. The woman would look at him longingly with a pained expression on her face, and the man would look at him with shock, not able to understand why it seems as though he’s looking in a mirror at his own reflection.
But he is. He’s looking right at his self, his future self…the one that knows the terrible fate that awaits them.
In lemans terms, he’s the man sitting in the congregation reliving his own wedding day with…her.
But it never lasts long, because as soon as their eyes connect, the happy couple is out the door and whisked away to their honeymoon.
And just like that it’s over.
Only this time, it’s really over because she’s not here with him. His charm didn’t work this time.
And she’s gone…again…for good.
He begins to gasp as he hears the faint echoes of her voice in the far distance. The congregation and chapel have long disappeared and now he’s alone, standing…standing in pure darkness. His head whips in every direction looking for her.
He calls out to her but all he’s met with is her soft voice repeating the two words he always dreads hearing.
“Wake up…wake up…wake up…wake up!”
It’s getting closer and closer but he doesn’t want to obey so he shakes his head in protest.
“No stop it! Stop it I don’t want to!” He screams, slumping and shutting his eyes.
But the chant just won’t let up as he hums to drown out the voice…
“Wake up…wake up…”
****
“Justin! Justin wake up man! Dude wake the hell up what is your problem?!”
Felling his upper body being violently shaken, Justin shoots up with a start in cold sweat gasping for air. Heaving, he grips his chest as he groans loudly from the shrilling voice next to his ear.
“Thank fucking goodness. You scared me shitless!” Came a familiar voice.
Turning to face the individual, Justin’s nose scrunches up as he looks at the person in confusion, still a little baffled. “Trace?”
“You were having that dream again man. You were moaning and talking in your sleep. You were even screaming, begging her to come back then shouting ‘No! Stop it!’ Dude, you ok man?” Trace inquires with concerned eyes.
Taking a seat next to his best friend on the bottom bunk bed in his tour bus, he sighs. Trace is aware of the haunting dreams Justin has been having but Justin always brushes them off, fully in denial and not willing to accept that he has a serious problem.
“Shit, I’m fine T. It was just a stupid dream.” Justin grunts, sitting up and swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. Gazing at Trace he just sighs before standing up to stretch his limbs.
“It’s not just a stupid dream Justin. It’s a nightmare. A nightmare you’ve been having for years now…” But Trace drifts off when his best friend gives him a warning look. For some strange reason Trace seems different to him, almost like he’s not fully there.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Justin growls, before looking around for his IPod to drown out his friend’s inquiries. It’s the middle of the night, and they’re somewhere out in the countryside driving to the next stop on Justin’s American tour.
He and Trace are the only two souls on this tour bus besides the bus driver and well his dogs, but they are fast asleep in the other room.
Gazing out the window into the dark night, all Justin can make out are the dark outlining of the trees they’re passing. There’s nothing out there except road and trees. It’s similar to his heart. There has been nothing in there for years…ever since he lost her. His sweet sugar-apple as he called her.
She was his everything. She was his world, and before he even has a chance to experience life with her she was ripped away from him. She was ripped away in the most unfair way….
Tensing when he feels his best friend tap his shoulder, Justin sighs before moving over to his duffle bag, pulling out his IPod and placing the headphones over his ears.
“Justin, I know it’s hard. But you’re never going to be able to move on and live your life fully if you don’t get help to get over her. You can’t do this on your own.” Trace speaks softly.
Bowing his head in thought, Justin takes in a deep breath, willing away his tears for the most part. “What if I don’t want to get over it?”
“Those nightmares are killing you man. They’re getting worse. You know they are. They’re causing you to hallucinate. She’s not coming back J…” That’s as far as Trace gets before Justin brushes his hand away and storms to the back of the bus, slamming and locking the door on his way so he won’t be disturbed in the small TV room.
Plopping down on the small sofa, he sighs tiredly before placing his IPod on play, the voice of puff daddy filtering through with his ‘I’ll be missing you’ song. Placing it on repeat, Justin sits there silently as he listens to the words.
It was one of her favorite songs. Who would have guessed that it would relate to her and to him in such a true way now?
No, it’s too much for him to bear. It’s too much for him to overcome. So he cries. He sits there in the darkness of the TV room on his tour bus and cries like a baby, his tears staining the wife beater he’s wearing as he sees her face flashing through his thoughts.
He can’t get her out of his head or his heart. He doesn’t want to. Because he’s kept such a tight grip on her over the years, it’s managed to get him through his days mostly. But not without a price.
She plagued his thoughts to the point where he began dreaming of her. In fact, his dreams became so vivid they turned into nightmares, and about a year ago, they got stuck on that one moment in his life that he couldn’t let go of. That moment when he made her Mrs. Timberlake. It was the happiest moment of their lives, but their happiness was short-lived. For, only a few months later, she was suddenly taken away from him.
He hates to relive that horrific moment because he was there with her when it happened. He was right there with her, sitting next to her when that huge truck collided with their car. It was a car accident. They were hit head on by a drunk driver and their car was run off the road, flipping over a few times in the process before coming to a complete halt.
As they remained there turned upside down on the highway, he searched for her hand to grip in his, staring into her terrified eyes as he groaned in pain, trying to get out of the trap they were in. Silent tears escaped her eyes as she mouthed an ‘I love you’ to him, not able to find her voice. He begged her to hold on, that help was coming. He screamed out for her to stay, to not leave him, but before he could even attempt to save them in any way he was out cold, blackness washing over him as he succumbed to the intense pain that was coursing through his body like heat waves.
When he woke up, he was in the hospital alone and it didn’t take rocket science for him to figure out and remember how he got there…
That’s as far as his memory travels before he cuts it off, now being no different. He resorts to hiccups now as he can’t help but blame himself for this. He was asleep when it happened. In fact, her screams are what woke him up and before he had any chance to process what was going on, he saw that truck coming towards them at warp speed…
That was…three years ago…
Passing his palms over his face, Justin sighs tiredly as he stops his IPod when he thinks he hears a faint voice in the distance calling out to him. It keeps getting closer and closer and when he looks out the window of his tour bus he sees nothing but a bright blinding white light. Squinting, his ears perk up when the voice becomes more distinct. It sounds feminine.
Gasping, he holds his breath as the bright light keeps getting bigger.
It, it sounds like her!
Oh no…
She’s telling him something, screaming out to him to…to…
“Wake up! Justin Wake up please! Oh my god!”
Those are her cries and he shuts his eyes tightly, willing them away but they won’t go away. No, he can’t be dreaming. He just…he can’t be. He’s losing his mind. He knows he is. He has to be because she sounds like she’s right next to him now, but all he sees is that light shining through the darkness.
Before he can make any attempt to move, his breath hitches in his throat when he feels a hand, her hand, grip his shoulder roughly.
*****
And just like that his eyes shoot open in shock.
“Justin!” She screams and he turns his head to glare at her, shock registering on his face if only for a split second as he sees her struggling with the steering wheel.
What…what’s going on? How is this possible? How is she here…where the hell is he?
“Baby?” He gasps while his body jerks forward and he grips the dashboard when the car swerves in the middle of the highway with his seatbelt pinning him in place.
And that’s when he sees it, like a scene straight out of his nightmares…
It’s…it’s the truck. The same one that…that…
Not wasting anytime or having any second thoughts, he leans over to the driver’s side and grips the steering wheel from the passenger seat, turning the wheel in the opposite direction, causing the car to flip around and skid in the opposite direction, out of the truck’s way. That one action elicits a scream from deep within her as they continue to spin out of control. His eyes land on the truck driver for a spit second, noting the horror on the man’s face as he fights to keep control of his own vehicle.
There are horns going off around them as a traffic jam quickly builds, the cars piling up over the long stretch of highway and all Justin can do is hold his breath as their own vehicle slowly stops spinning out of control until it comes to a complete stop in the middle of the opposite lane causing vehicles to come to screeching halts around them.
Then silence takes over as he drowns out everything going on around him. The only thing he can hear is his heartbeat loud and rigorous pulsing through his eardrums.
Blinking rapidly a few times, Justin fights to calm his breathing before he hears her voice again, a faint whimper escaping her this time.
Snapping his head in her direction for the second time, he tilts his head to the side, taking her in, drinking up her features. She’s crying hysterically as her body hunches forward over the steering wheel. But she’s alive…she’s breathing. Her hands are trembling and her long hair is covering her face as she sobs, her breaths chopping and unstable.
Then he snaps out of his thoughts as he finally absorbs his surroundings closely now. He’s awake. He knows he’s awake this time but he can’t help but feel freaked out by that odd dream he just had. Was it really a dream or a vision? Was it a sign, warning him of what was about to happen? He was asleep, he fell asleep in the passenger seat and woke up to her screaming, yelling at him to ‘wake up.’
They were almost in an accident. They almost got hit by that truck. If he hadn’t reacted the way he did, he could have lost her. He could have lost her just like in his dream.
It took that one action on his part of taking control of the situation to save them.
And he finally caves, fully coming back to his senses now…
“Baby, baby I’m here.” Rooting out his seatbelt, Justin moves over to her, gripping her shoulders and pulling her into his embrace as he holds onto her tightly while she trembles in his arms. He never wants to let go. He never wants to face a day without her. But he doesn’t have to, because she’s here. She’s actually here with him now.
He just, he just saved their lives from what could have been a terrible fate and he has his dream or vision to thank for that. He doesn’t understand it, but he’s not questioning it.
All he can do right now is hold on to her as he too feels like crying from their body heats mixing together, indicating to him that she’s really, actually there.
He ignores the yells and shouts of the people outside on that highway. He ignores the loud honking of horns. He even ignores the faint sounds of sirens in the distance. All he can focus on now is her, his sugar-apple, his wife, his…everything. She’s ok; she’s alive, here with him now and that’s all that matters. There was no real accident; he prevented it.
So, he doesn’t have to face the reality of that collision claiming her life and taking her away from him. No, because it was only a dream, warning him of what was to come.
But it wasn’t only a dream. And as Justin’s eyes flutter, still caressing his love and soothing her in his arms, he knows there are bigger forces at work here than just his sub-conscious mind. “Shhhh, it’s ok baby, relax, we’re ok. I have you. I love you. We’re safe now…”
But he’s not superstitious even though this is a good example of something straight out of ‘tales from the creep’.
No, all that matters is they’re safe now. So, he’s simply going to brush this entire happening that he experienced off and say it was just an illusion…
*The End*
